quote of the day

from the land of the free:

you might be orly taitz if ...

... you don't immediately nuke the latest jen-yoo-wine smoking gun kenyan birth certificate to slither out of your inbox.

size matters

ok, i'm calling bullshit on this story about spoilsports from the future screwing with our expensive new supercollider ... because production delays never happen to big projects. riiiight. talk about your lame excuses for failure!

now, i don't really need to call bs on this story in particular, since the reporter, who describes the storytellers as "otherwise distinguished physicists", sounds like he's already serving up his article on a platter of tongue, stuffed delicately in cheek.

still, it's shameless headline-grabbing stories like these, often the bastard child of some scientist's impish poke-in-the-eye and some journalist's laziness and gullibility, that continue to warp john and jane q. walmart's already rudimentary understanding of just what is and isn't possible in this universe. they've been left fat, lazy and loopy by a steady diet of star trek and star wars.

now don't get me wrong: i'm a huge fan of "trek wars" and science fiction in general (you should see my library) and i wouldn't be the armchair geek i am without their inspiration. on the other hand, i'm also a big fan of superhero comics. but the same folks who can generally grok that humans can't fly or deflect bullets or shoot lasers from their eyes, will tell you with no effort of thought that they believe the three great fictions of modern sci-fi: that aliens have or will visit the earth; that we'll return the courtesy after figuring out faster-than-light travel; that time-travel into the past is possible.

each of these fictions has already consumed more ink than i can practically devote to them, so i'm going to keep things short and sweet. today's rant covers alien races. there'll be no messy details, math, no greek and no quiz. i just want certain hard realities to sink in for once.

in the colorful dramasphere "trek wars" inhabits, the universe is as crowded as calcutta with intelligent races. here's a poem i once read in the philly weekly many years ago:

the only aliens we like are the ones on star trek 'cause they all speak english — martin espada, "gov. wilson of ca talks in his sleep"

ok, it's obvious that's a joke, but still, it's a big universe, right? we can't be the only ones here, can we?

most likely not. the ginormous size of the universe, its ginormous age and the ginormous number of stars in it make it pretty hard to argue against the universe performing multiple encores. in our own galaxy, one among 100 billion galaxies, people paid to study these things estimate 100 million suns like our own, which is considered pretty run-of-the-mill in size and age. that's 100 million rolls of the dice, which we know already hit the jackpot at least once. we're likely surrounded by extraterrestrials.

but there's a catch. (you knew there'd be a catch, didn't you?)

alas, the very same factors which make alien neighbors a virtual certainty — the ginormous size and age of the universe — make it impossible for any of us to ever meet. most folks hear the numbers and dumbly acknowledge them without attempting to truly appreciate their ginormous scale. others, like young earth creationists, simply refuse to accept them. the numbers are stupefying and, like a curt cabbie, they simply drop our tiny brains off with a terse "end o' the line, mac". creationists jumped out the ride after only 6,000 years.

in our own galaxy, those 100 million candidate suns are on average about 15,000 light years apart. we're about one million light years from our nearest neighboring galaxies and everybody's moving even further apart due to the continued expansion of the universe. these distances are inconceivably vast, beyond even the paid imaginations of the writers of "trek wars", who would have viewers believe that texting between the stars will be no more inconvenient than picking up your communicator and that traveling between them no more inconvenient than shuttling from boston to burbank.

but it's not so much a problem that the universe is "too big" per se: the real problem is that our lives are waaay too short! to appreciate the dilemma from a different perspective, consider the lowly housefly. it lives only a few weeks — what's the likelihood that a boston fly will ever meet a burbank fly, especially if neither knows the other exists or quite where to look? it's the proverbial needle-in-a-haystack — times gazillion! and even if both knew where to go, they'd be dead long before they could meet even halfway.

oh, and did i point out the ginormous age of the universe? 14 billions years and counting makes it unlikely that the lifespans of different alien civilizations will overlap during a period when they might be capable of communicating with each other. with your nearest neighbor just 15,000 light years away, you'll have to wait only 30,000 years for a reply. talk about a dull conversation!

remember, in the 4 billion years that life has thrived on earth, 3 billion of that stretch of time was dominated by mute, deaf and blind one-celled microbes, and of the last billion, over 99.99% had to elapse before we became capable of sending signals, much less leaving the planet. if earthlings are typical of the intelligent races in the galaxy, the law of averages eliminates half our prospective neighbors as too young to join the "trek wars" fan club, since they're still too busy pulling themselves out of the ooze. and the other half, sadly, may already be dead.

next rant: space travel

failmonger fail

mr. "i hope obama fails" ... fails:

NFL commissioner roger goodell failed to offer support of rush limbaugh’s bid to buy the rams on tuesday and said the talk-show host’s ‘divisive comments’ would not be welcome in the league.

one nation under ...

the original christian fantasy:

the vastly improved noodly reality:

without a doubt, cthulhu's greatest trick was convincing the world that god exists ...

this week in birther history

dateline: december 22, 1944
scene: bastogne, belgium

to the USA commander of the encircled town of bastogne: the fortune of war is changing. this time the USA forces in and near bastogne have been encircled by strong german armored units. more german armored units have crossed the river our near ortheuville, have taken marche and reached st. hubert by passing through hompre-sibret-tillet. libramont is in german hands. there is only one possibility to save the encircled USA troops from total annihilation: that is the honorable surrender of the encircled town. in order to think it over a term of two hours will be granted beginning with the presentation of this note. if this proposal should be rejected one german artillery corps and six heavy A. A. battalions are ready to annihilate the USA troops in and near bastogne. the order for firing will be given immediately after this two hours term. all the serious civilian losses caused by this artillery fire would not correspond with the well-known american humanity. the german commander.

the terse response of the US commander, general anthony c. mcauliffe, became one of the most famous retorts in history:

to the german commander: NUTS! the american commander

from wikipedia:

according to various accounts from those present, when mcauliffe was told of the german demand for surrender he said "aw, nuts". at a loss for an official reply, lt. col. harry kinnard suggested that his first remark summed the situation up well, which was agreed to by the others. the official reply ... was typed and delivered by colonel joseph harper, commanding the 327th glider infantry, and his s-3 major jones to the german delegation. harper had to explain the meaning of the word to the germans, telling them that in "plain english" it meant "go to hell."

the 101st was able to hold off the german assault until the 4th armored division arrived to provide reinforcement but the town was regained the next day due to the reinforcements. for his actions at bastogne, mcauliffe was awarded the distinguished service cross by general patton on december 30, 1944, followed later by the distinguished service medal.

♦ ♦ ♦

fast forward to present day santa ana, california.

dentist-lawyer orly taitz, "our lady of liberty" and reigning queen of the birthers, got another day in court last week, in her ongoing war against the marxist kenyan usurper. after some dramatic courtroom theatrics, a routine clerical update is added to the case record ...

date: october 5, 2009 CIVIL MINUTES - GENERAL CAPTAIN PAMELA BARNETT, ET AL. V. BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, ET AL. on september 8, 2009, the court previously set tentative case management dates. the court now orders those dates be made final. case management dates are as follows: motion for summary judgment hearing december 7, 2009, at 8:30 a.m. file motion for summary judgment november 16, 2009 opposition to motion for summary judgment november 26, 2009 reply to motion for summary judgment november 30, 2009 final pretrial conference january 11, 2010, at 8:30 a.m. jury trial january 26, 2010, at 8:30 a.m.

taitz and company wasted little time in pouncing on their latest procedural "victory" ...

the implication of the court’s order finalizing the dates is obvious: you do not finalize dates unless there will be a trial. and there would not be a trial, unless the motion to dismiss requested by the defense was in whole or in part DENIED!

thus, an ultimatum was delivered to the enemy ...

from: charles lincoln sent: wednesday, october 07, 2009 11:11 am to: dejute, david (USACAC); west, roger (USACAC) subject: dr. taitz seeks stipulation re: discovery. dear messers dejute & west: dr. taitz has asked me to ask you whether you are willing to stipulate that, now that the scheduling order has been made final, rather than moot, that it is now time for us to begin discovery. we need to start sending out notices of deposition duces tecum to parties and subpoenas duces tecum to non-parties. the judge specifically said that the scheduling order would only be important if the case were going to go forward, and he seems to have spoken on this point. charles e. lincoln, research associate & law clerk for dr. taitz, esq., attorney for the plaintiffs. deo vindice "may the lord god be with you, and with thy spirit!" charles e. lincoln, III spiritual patriot tierra limpia

to which obama defense attorney roger west responded — in a proceeding already marked by many a strange milestone:

von: west, roger (USACAC) an: charles lincoln datum: mittwoch, den 7. oktober 2009, 11:31:18 uhr betreff: re: dr. taitz seeks stipulation re: discovery. nuts.

and like the german commander at bastogne, it appears taitz and company were in need of some translation assistance (as well as a funnybone transplant):

from: charles lincoln sent: wednesday, october 07, 2009 12:11 pm to: west, roger (USACAC) cc: dr. orly taitz subject: aw: dr. taitz seeks stipulation re: discovery. dear mr. west: unless you can provide us with a more thoughtful answer and analysis of the situation, or can you ask mr. dejute to do so, we will report your laconic response below to judge carter as the full and final statement of the united states' well-considered position in this case. deo vindice "may the lord god be with you, and with thy spirit!" charles e. lincoln, III spiritual patriot tierra limpia

von: west, roger (USACAC) an: charles lincoln datum: mittwoch, den 7. oktober 2009, 12:17:38 uhr betreff: re: dr. taitz seeks stipulation re: discovery. you are obviously not a student of military history. because you appear confused, let me be clear. per judge carter’s order, discovery is stayed in this case. we will not agree to any discovery in this case at this time.

aarrgghh!!

just something google found:

they even managed to spell it right.

must see teevee

franken fries flunkie:

taking back america

what oliver said:

when liberals were out of power, we had these conferences called "take back america". they were a way to network, learn activism, etc. i went to a few (and spoke at a panel on one) and the overriding message was about turning america back to its progressive path. now conservatives are out of power and rather than the kind of talk we had, they talked about the "bloody battle" they would engage in with their guns in order to "take back america". slightly different.

though not everyone's saying we would get our hair mussed:

there is a remote, although gaining, possibility america's military will intervene as a last resort to resolve the “obama problem." don't dismiss it as unrealistic. america isn't the third world. if a military coup does occur here it will be civilized. that it has never happened doesn't mean it wont.... ... will the day come when patriotic general and flag officers sit down with the president, or with those who control him, and work out the national equivalent of a "family intervention," with some form of limited, shared responsibility? imagine a bloodless coup to restore and defend the constitution through an interim administration that would do the serious business of governing and defending the nation. skilled, military-trained, nation-builders would replace accountability-challenged, radical-left commissars. having bonded with his twin teleprompters, the president would be detailed for ceremonial speech-making.

not too long ago, it was "no less than an act of treason" to question the president. today, for the "disloyal" opposition, treason is patriotism — which, they have conveniently forgotten, has always been "the last refuge of the scoundrel".

update: annihilation alert

it looks like john perry's "seven days in may" wet dream got the zot from his masters. just a bit too much information even for them, i suppose. via conwebwatch:

newsmax has quietly removed without explanation john l. perry's column advocating a military coup against president obama. newsmax has offered no explanation or apology.

link updated accordingly.

farewell to summer

bachmann, 1: census bureau, -1

the AP is reporting that bill sparkman, a 51-year-old part-time census field worker and occasional teacher, was found hung to death in kentucky with the word "fed" was scrawled on the dead man's chest. investigators are still trying to determine the motive, but "law enforcement officers have told the agency the matter is 'an apparent homicide.'" "our job is to determine if there was foul play involved — and that's part of the investigation — and if there was foul play involved, whether that is related to his employment as a census worker," said FBI spokesman david beyer.

since i'm not working this case, i can freely say that it's a pretty damn obvious foul play was involved, and that his job had something to do with it, as well as who's responsible:

michelle bachmann (r-mn), june 26:

if we look at american history, between 1942 and 1947, the data that was collected by the census bureau was handed over to the FBI and other organizations, at the request of president roosevelt, and that’s how the japanese were rounded up and put into the internment camps. i’m not saying that’s what the administration is planning to do. but i am saying that private, personal information that was given to the census bureau in the 1940s was used against americans to round them up.

it appears bachmann has been threatening to launch her own personal war on the census bureau ...

mission accomplished.

thanks for sharing

(art by stivers, 1984)

bombs of love™

atrios @ eschaton:

our Very Serious foreign policy community seems to think that "winning" a war involves leaving behind paradise, and then are a bit surprised when our Bombs of Love don't produce that outcome.

life cycle of a birther lawsuit

it all started on august 21, 2008 in the eastern federal district of pennsylvania when "puma" and "9-11 truther" attorney phil berg filed the first case against the kenyan usurper-to-be, one that lives on in appeals to this day. proudly taking on the role of the "disloyal" opposition, the birthers, after over 60 suits and their appeals, have settled into a reliable, if not yet productive, though now diagrammable, litigation routine. it's just one of those bugs-turned-feature of our new post-racial marxist collective, folks. get used to it.

anyone not regularly following the birthers' pathetic patriotic trials and tribulations in defense of the constitution can now refer to the following flowchart (click image to enlarge) as a navigational aid through the many stages in the life cycle of what has become a typical lawsuit.

it's worth noting that the cycle has essentially become a closed system, making it possible to run without end — or at least into 2017 ...

quote of the day

researcher joseph strayhorn of drexel university college of medicine and university of pittsburgh, on the high teen birth rate of religious conservatives:

we conjecture that religious communities in the u.s. are more successful in discouraging the use of contraception among their teenagers than they are in discouraging sexual intercourse itself.

(hat tip to p.z. myers @ pharyngula)

quote of the day

tim f. @ balloon juice:

barack obama stripped millions of americans of their right to not have a black president.

observing 9/12

matt yglesias @ thinkprogress:

as we know, back in november most people voted for barack obama. most people voted for a democratic house candidate. and most people voted for a democratic senate candidate. today, most people prefer obama’s approach to the approach of congressional republicans. but this is a very large country. and a large minority of the population is out of step with the views of the minority [sic: matt meant "majority"]. you’ve got your anti-abortion guys, your tenthers, your birthers, your medicare-hating congressmen, etc. something called the ayn rand center for individual rights is among the sponsors of the rally. and so, fine, there are a lot of people with far-right political opinions. but the idea that this is actually some kind of response to specific things barack obama has done is pretty off-base. it’s just the usual suspects getting fired up.

mark mckinnon @ the washington post:

mark mckinnon, a former adviser to sen. john mccain (ariz.) and other republicans, said there is an "opportunity for republicans" to tap into legitimate fears about an overreaching federal government. but he said that "right-wing nutballs are aligning themselves with these movements" and are dominating media coverage. "it's bad for republicans because in the absence of any real leadership, the freaks fill the void and define the party," mckinnon said.

alex pareene @ gawker:

on 9/12, people in new york (and DC) did not feel as "great" as glenn beck. they just felt like shit. they felt scared and confused and depressed ... and only an idiot or an actual terrorist would want to always feel like it was 9/12/01. and eight years later, normal people, with brains and souls, have decided that some emotional distance from that disaster is healthier and wiser than trying to recapture the dread. so thank fucking christ that the commander in chief is no longer subjecting the nation to death porn. no, this year it’s limited to a nutty little cult leader on basic cable who is encouraging his radicalized band of fanatical followers to invade the cities where the tragedy actually happened in order to shock the populace back into fear. glenn beck is an actual terrorist, and the people attending his rally in DC tomorrow are al-qaeda in america.

(art by rottenart @ daily kos)

update: reader feedback

sigh.

i'll type s-l-o-w-l-y so even hillary can understand.

you said that he is on "basic cable"....are you saying that FOX news is "basic cable"...just asking. i mean, what does that even mean???

1) alex pareene said "basic cable". i'm quoting him.

2) basic cable = tv networks "generally transmitted without any scrambling or other special methods and thus anyone connected to the cable tv system can receive them". l-i-k-e f-o-x n-e-w-s.

GLENN HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE 9/12 MARCH!!! it was put together by a completely different group of people who told glenn about it.

from glenn beck's the912project.com:

9/12 SATURDAY – FINAL UPDATE – MORE NEW STATES & EVENTS FOR 9-12-09 ... GLENN WILL BE ANCHORING THE COVERAGE OF 9-12 EVENTS, LIVE ON FOX NEWS ... SEPTEMBER 12, 2009 FROM 1-3PM Eastern time. many have asked about the event in washington dc on 9-12, here are a couple links to help you find out more information from the people who have organized the event and are helping people find the best way to participate. ... HOW DO I FIND A LOCAL GROUP OR EVENT? we have tried to list, by state, every single 9-12 event that we know about. we may have missed one so please share your information with us. you can also look online here. if you cannot go to DC — there are probably events happening CLOSE TO YOU. glenn has always suggested using meetup.com to find like-minded souls in your area and we also suggest looking there for local events that are not listed below. get off the keyboards and on your feet. ... HERE ARE THE LOCAL EVENTS WE HAVE HEARD ABOUT FOR SATURDAY 9-12-09 (SORTED BY STATE, ALPHABETICALLY) [etc etc ]...

"nothing to do with it" must not have anything to do with sponsoring, organizing, promoting and covering it. glad you helped clear that up.

thanks for visiting my little stake on the intertubes. it's nice to have fans, even if some of them are m-o-r-a-n-s.

read arguing with idiots. read common sense. read SOMETHING.

please, hillary, watch something besides glenn beck. a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.

quote of the day

megan carpentier @ air america:

an overnight poll by AARP shows that obama's speech on health care helped resolve the concerns of many people over 45 dumb enough to believe braying republicans that the administration planned on executing the elderly.

(hat tip to josh marshall)

quote of the day

dougj @ balloon juice:

no one could have predicted that a white southern congressman would heckle a black president.

round and round

... we go.

where we stop, does anyone know ... ?

obama: ... any plan i sign must include an insurance exchange: a one-stop shopping marketplace where you can compare the benefits, cost and track records of a variety of plans — including a public option to increase competition and keep insurance companies honest — and choose what’s best for your family. (jul. 17)

obama: all i'm saying is, though, that the public option, whether we have it or we don't have it, is not the entirety of health care reform. (aug. 15)

ap: health and human services secretary kathleen sebelius says obama still believes there should be choice and competition" in the health insurance market — but that a public option is 'not the essential element.' (aug. 16)

sebelius: here’s the bottom-line: absolutely nothing has changed. we continue to support the public option that will help lower costs, give american consumers more choice, and keep private insurers honest. (aug. 18)

obama: the only thing that we have said — and this continues to be the truth — and i mean, sometimes you can fault me maybe for being honest to a fault — is that the public option is just one component of a broader plan. (aug. 20)

dailykos: [senate majority leader harry] reid spokesman jim manley emails in that reid's preference is for a "public option," but would not confirm that reid means "public option" as commonly understood: an insurance program run by the department of health and human services or another government body. (aug. 28)

nancy pelosi: a bill without a strong public option will not pass the house. eliminating the public option would be a major victory for the insurance companies who have rationed care, increased premiums and denied coverage. (sep. 3)

politico: "we have been saying all along that the most important part of this debate is not the public option, but rather ensuring choice and competition," [a white house] aide said. (sep. 3)

ny times: [administration officials] insisted that mr. obama had not given up on the provision that has attracted the most fire from the right, a proposal for a government-run competitor to private insurers, although many democrats say the proposal may eventually be jettisoned. (sep. 3)

cnn: president barack obama and top aides have quietly stepped up talks with moderate republican sen. olympia snowe of maine on a scaled-back health-care bill, according to two sources familiar with the negotiations. the compromise plan would lack a government-run public health insurance option favored by obama, but would leave the door open to adding that provision down the road under an idea proposed by snowe, the sources said. (sep. 3)

another oldie

neither gone nor forgotten ...