... you're just now realizing bill o'reilly, ann coulter and glenn beck are idiots. ... you think a clever alias for a stealth muslim is "barack hussein obama". ... you prefer online grand juries 'cause it gets kinda stuffy under your white hood. ... your boycott of hawaii doesn’t interrupt any of your plans. ... you're sure all birth certificates are printed in australia. ... you think the "white house" means exactly that. ... the deli counter guy asks "american or swiss?" and you say "vattel!" ... hawaii's health dept has your phone number on call-blocking. ... you're "damn shure" you're a natural born citizen — 'cuz both your parents are brother n' sister! ... your lawyer takes payment in fillings. ... your team's down 0-60 and you're still betting. ... you think "usurper" is a quaint southern euphemism. ... susan herbert can count on your vote in 2012. ... you pray nightly for the usurper's downfall — to the same god that ignored you on election day. ... you think "dismissed without prejudice" means your case wasn't racist enough. ... you think it's long past time we closed the border — with hawaii. ... you learned a moving and historic lesson about democracy last year — from honduras. ... you won't be satisfied 'til you see the death certificate. ... you don't believe everything you read on the internet — just the really friggin' stupid stuff.