Tuesday, October 28, 2008

top ten reasons for hope

as campaign season winds down to its inevitable conclusion, i find myself more and more drawn to the hypnotizing roadkill splattered up and down the virtual backroad that is the free republic blog, whose membership ("freepers") are well known and loved on the net as hardcore rightwing central.

and hypnotizing it is to behold: the anger, the sniping, the finger-pointing, the utter lack of recrimination ... verily, it is the jelly on a warm slice of schadenfreude.

but not everyone there has succumbed to wretched defeatism — in one of their famous "freep this poll!" threads already amusing enough for its own characteristic lack of irony, one undaunted poster laid down his 28 reasons obama "ain't won nothing yet. it was extremely tough choosing among so many clear winners, but i've pulled a choice ten for everyone's enjoyment.

so with a hearty hand to freeper rotb, i give you today's "freepers" top ten reasons to hope:

10) Polls are meant by the Enemedia, to SHAPE public opinion, not to accurately report it. Get your news here! Stop torturing yourself! We bring the liberal media lies here, and we dissect them through the lenses of Christianity and Conservatism.

9) The PUMAs who know the hows and whys of Hillary getting cheated, will vote Palin, and will pull others. ... Freeper lonestar67 says, “Surveys have suggested that as many as 20-30% of Democrats may vote for McCain based on the rejection of Hillary. If even fractions of these claims are true, Obama would be hard pressed to win the election— especially in key states such as Pennsylvania and Ohio.”

8) Operation Chaos resulted in an overlarge quantity of Democrat registrations that will never ever vote Democratic.

7) McCain has only started to play the Ayers card. McCain has not yet played the Tony Rezko, Odinga, ...

6) McCain opened 50 offices in California. It’s in play! It should be the bluest of the blue, and it is not.

5) The Christian base that re-elected Bush in 2004, knows Sarah is more than a Sunday Christian, and is praying for her.

4) Three people over 50 (white male and two Mexican women), on two occasions, on October 25th, asked me if I know about Obama not being a citizen. My Dad knows, and he emailed all his friends also. Point being, EVERYBODY KNOWS that Obama ain’t benevolently and humbly forthcoming with his birth certificate, and thus something fishy is afoot in Camelot.

3) The Enemedia overstating Obama’s popularity will cut two ways. The lazy, and the youth, (core Democrat constituencies) will not brave traffic and lines to vote on election day, since they were lied to by the KGBMedia to believe that Obama has a gigantic lead. In fact, if I worked for the GOP, I’d make sure free beer/music parties were being held outside of every major blue city before/on election day. They’re called “raves”.

2) Obama has only 75% of the Jewish vote last I checked, just like Kerry (comfortable R win). Gore got 90% (close R win).

and finally, the number one reason all freepers can expect to see obama fall:

[ drumroll ]

1) Kerry won the Nickelodeon kids vote 57/43, and Obama won it 51/49! If you don’t think kids vote like their parents, then you got another thing coming!

don't freepers say just the most adorable things?

No comments: