certifigate: keyes kwashed ... of kourse

his case was supposed to be their best shot, delivered by their nimblest and most decorated player. but alas, the mighty keyes has struck out.

... this lawsuit is moot as to issues concerning president obama. the court on this date is prepared to sustain demurrers to the petition without leave to amend.

but hey, considering that we're dealing with a bunch of delusional soreheads, i'd say it was a pretty good outing!

perennial also-ran alan keyes wanted to stop california secretary of state debra bowen and future secretaries from certifying the state's electors without verifying the eligibility of the candidates. thus far challengers to obama's eligibility have all failed to demonstrate legal standing, which is, ironically, one of the initial hurdles a plaintiff must clear to prove their own eligibility to sue. one element in particuler prevents every tom, dick and harry from suing every other tom, dick and harry:

prohibition of generalized grievances: a plaintiff cannot sue if the injury is widely shared in an undifferentiated way with many people. for example, the general rule is that there is no federal taxpayer standing, as complaints about the spending of federal funds are too remote from the process of acquiring them. such grievances are ordinarily more appropriately addressed in the representative branches.

... an element specifically designed as a sandbag against exactly the kind of litigious tsunami the "birthers" would rain down upon the entire system:

if X is to be my president, then how can i not have standing to demand proof of elegibility?

i do not understand why each and every taxpayer/voter in the united states is denied “standing” by the supreme court

the american people should have standing in this matter. it is OUR CONSTITUTION AND OUR COUNTRY.

but as a rival candidate on the california ballot for the white house, keyes had the most uniquely arguable claim to sue. indeed, standing was never raised as an issue by either the defendants or the court. unfortunately for keyes, he neglected to bring with him a convincing argument. in his response to the defendants' motions to dismiss (herein called "demurrers"), judge michael kenny wholeheartedly agreed:

secty of state bowen's demurrer to the complaint (failure to state a cause of action): SUSTAINED WITHOUT LEAVE TO AMEND obama & biden's demurrer: SUSTAINED WITHOUT LEAVE TO AMEND ... petitioners have not met their burden of demonstrating that the secretary of state has a clear or present ministerial duty to demand documentary proof that any future presidential candidate is qualified to serve as president of the united states. such a duty is not imposed by elections code section 12172.5 which provides that the secretary of state “shall see that state election laws are enforced.” ... the case is clearly moot. the secretary of state already placed the candidates’ names on the ballot, the election has already taken place, the electors were certified elected by the secretary of state, met and cast their votes, the governor certified those results and transmitted them to the president of the senate, and president obama and vice president biden have now been inaugurated and are engaged in the duties of their offices. it is too late for relief against the secretary of state and the california electors as to the 2008 general election. and as to any future election, the claims are not ripe. ... ... [to be "ripe", keyes' claims] must be framed with sufficient concreteness and immediacy to allow the court to render a conclusive and definitive judgment, rather than an advisory opinion based on hypothetical facts or speculative future events.

shorter judge kenny: there's no specific law or statute requiring bowen to vet obama's credentials, and it's too late anyway.

keyes thought he could serve a subpoena for obama's occidental college records, in hopes of unearthing obama's ever-elusive kenyan-indo-cuban-wtf human potluck connection, but ...

obama & biden's motion to quash subpoena for occidental college records: GRANTED ... the court further finds that the two categories of documents petitioners seek are vague, overbroad, and are of no relevance to this litigation. petitioners demand access to all of president obama’s “academic and housing records.” however, the relevance of such records is not established. ... petitioners’ argument that they could have sought even more documents is not persuasive ...

putting on my best vinny gambini accent: "well geez, yer honor, we just want half a loaf — just to show youse what reas'nable people we are!"

ding! ding! ding! now that's a winning argument.

the judge considered keyes' suit so fundamentally flawed that he's not willing to look at any attempts to polish this turd, hence his pointed and repeated punctuation of his dismissal with the phrase "without leave to amend".

the court is not persuaded that petitioners will be able to amend their first amended petition to state a cause of action against the secretary of state.

good news is there's no homework! class dismissed ... without leave. there will be no make-up exam.

birthers do have one thing they can take away from this ruling: they got a certifigate case decided on its merits, instead of being summarily disposed of — something they've been demanding more loudly with each dismissal. i guess this means we won't be hearing them whine about this any more, will we?

okay ... just kidding.

and now, an obligatory word from the uber-patriots at our favorite wingnut watering-hole. let the sweet symphony of gnashing, wailing and rending of garments begin ...

john mccain provided 14,000 pages of medical history, zero provided ONE doctor’s note of ONE paragraph on ONE visit that stated his BP was okay. john mccain had to PROVE he was born on a U.S. military base to two natural born U.S. citizens, ZERO REFUSES to provide a $10.00 birth certificate! ZERO’S father made ZERO a foreign citizen! ZERO was obviously FORCED to give up his LAW LICENSE! ZERO HIDES all of his college records! ZERO hides or DESTROYED ALL of his illinois senate records! ZERO hides or destroyed ALL of his driving records prior to 1996! ZERO HIDES ALL OF HIS PASSPORT RECORDS PRIOR TO BECOMING A U.S. SENATOR! DOES SOMETHING STINK HERE? WHY WILL NO REPORTER LOOK INTO THIS CESSPOOL? WHERE IS OLD DAN RATHER NOW ON THE RIGHTS OF U.S. CITIZENS TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR PUBLIC OFFICIALS?

oh yes, there was definitely something vile stinking up the joint. and the judge just flushed it out of its misery! next ...

NO judge is going to hear this case...ever.

every despicable decision that pushes this controversy further and further under the rug of socialism is another nail in the coffin in which we are allowing the us constitution to be buried. it is sad that the judiciary refuses to do its job, and continues to find ways to ensure that 0bama doesn’t have to answer to the people regarding his origins and his background.

there will never be a democrat-appointed judge in this country that’ll rule against 0bama in any circumstance. we are no longer one nation. the rule of law means nothing to libs. that's not hyperbole or polemics, either. no regard for the rule of law is inherent in their worldview. the utterances of elite intellectuals are all that matters, not the writings of stodgy old white guys in history who obviously CAN'T know as much as the modern day elites.

waaah! they won't play by calvinball roolz!

dimmocrat librul activist judges are such stinkers, aren't they?

when the truth comes out, and it will, there will be hell to pay for our legislators for allowing this to occur. everyone of them should be brought up on charges for what they’ve have spinelessly have allowed to happen. who in the senate/congress is potentially using this info for their own self interest? because you know someone knows, and has probably made it known that they know. there is no more “we the people”, only us vs. them. useless courts, useless representatives and a nation dying on the vine before our very eyes.

brought up on charges? um, isn't that what these all lawsuits are about? oh that's right, i guess someone forgot to convict ... again!

the constitution is dead. god save our republic.

hey, i'll let you in on a little secret: i think the honorable judge kenny just did.