Tuesday, July 28, 2009

at last, bipartisanship

house passes resolution that states obama was born in hawaii, 378-0.

this evening, the house passed a resolution sponsored by rep. neil abercrombie (d-hi) that commemorates hawaii’s 50th anniversary as a u.s. state by a vote of 378-0. the resolution also contains this provision: "whereas the 44th president of the united states, barack obama, was born in hawaii," a measure that some GOP members may have had trouble supporting. however, many of the republican representatives who at expressed at least subtle doubt that obama was not born in the u.s. voted for the resolution. rep. michele bachmann (r-mn), who had earlier in the day prevented the resolution from coming to a voice vote on the house floor, and rep. bill posey (r-fl), who sponsored a bill requiring presidential candidates to prove natural-born citizenship, both voted for the resolution. rep. john campbell (r-ca), a co-sponsor of posey’s bill who expressed doubt about obama’s citizenship last week on msnbc, did not vote.

birthers voting "aye"

bill posey (fl)
marsha blackburn (tn)
john culberson (tx)
dan burton (in)
robert goodlatte (va)
randy neugebauer (tx)
ted poe (tx)

Monday, July 27, 2009


... for 2008, courtesy of "crazy eileen", who just wants her country back:

  1. hillary will be president;
  2. we will make real contact with aliens, in the southwestern usa (they've been walking among us for centuries);
  3. there will be peace among men, negativity will end and there will be no evil left in the world;
  4. the planet has only 95 years left to its existence.

and she keeps impressive company: she speaks with angels!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

birther deep thought

i’ve seen more concern for the GOP’s health today from leftwingers than any other time in my life. why is that?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

the bitter rump

the GOP has a problem:

actually, the GOP has several problems, all of which are converging at a painful nexus, one infested by a septic stew of birthers, tea-baggers and all manner of anti-government fringe cranks.

after decades of courting racism and jingoism (e.g., anti-affirmative action, anti-immigration, anti-united nations), religious fundamentalism and anti-intellectualism (e.g. anti-abortion, creationism, intelligent design), anti-science (e.g., global warming denialism, anti-stem cell research), anti-tax (tax cuts) and arms fetishism (anti-gun control), the republican base has become distilled into an intolerant and intolerable rump that is driving its party into permanent minority status. and to think that it was their drive for a permanent republican majority, marrying their infamous southern strategy with the evangelical movement, that brought them to this bitter end.

the base was only supposed to be a naive but eager and steady supply of votes, dollars and sweat. they were never actually expected to hijack the plane.

the GOP's first problem is the fact that demographics are against them. the republican base is growing older and therefore shrinking in number while independents and democrats are younger and growing. in fact, the intolerant attitude of the rump is driving even more out of the fold and into the arms of their rivals. those remaining represent guaranteed votes but not enough for a electoral success. the GOP needs new voters but the rump are a jealous lot, demanding embarrassing and off-putting public reassurances of devotion every time the party makes overtures to anyone outside the base. it was a problem that john mccain tried to solve using sarah palin. that worked well.

the second problem is simple denial. republicans like david frum and brink linsey, who are willing to admit that it'll take more than an elusive marketing pitch to get them out of their ditch, are becoming equally elusive. as far as the rump is concerned, the GOP has no need to change; it just needs a shamwow guy to polish off the gospel of reagan for them and the sheep country will happily buy.

we’re in the mode where we welcome everybody to the party. what i don’t want to do, in the course of trying to expand the overall size of the republican party and expand our base, is to talk away from basic fundamental principles. i think it’s very important that we remind people out around the country what it is that we stand for, that we do believe in a strong national defense, in low taxes and limited government; and giving up on those principles, in order to try to appeal to people who are otherwise going to vote democratic, seems to me is a — would be a fundamental defeat for those of us who are essentially conservative, who’ve been long-time supporters of the republican party.

we don’t have to pander to minorities, but we have to make our principles attractive to them. i don’t understand why some folks get so worked up about this. look at the GOP’s rising stars: palin, jindal and cantor.

"all you moderates out there, y'all come. i mean, that's the message," steele said at a news conference. "the message of this party is this is a big table for everyone to have a seat. i have a place setting with your name on the front.

"understand that when you come into someone's house, you're not looking to change it. you come in because that's the place you want to be."

this is not a message that says: "welcome aboard! what can we do for you?"

it says: "get in the back and push!"

hurry before the line gets too long ...

republicans are unwilling to face the bitter truth that, after iraq and katrina and the mortgage meltdown and banking bailouts, they have zero credibility. zilch. bupkis. so when they trot out an 18-page so-called economic "plan" and a 4-page so-called health care "plan" with a few pictures and no numbers as "solutions", they only validate the decision to abandon them.

house republicans presented a four-page outline of their health care reform plan wednesday but said they didn’t know yet how much it would cost, how they would pay for it and how many of the nearly 50 million americans without insurance would be covered by it.

the GOP has an unpleasant choice that they can delay forever but not avoid if they want out of the wilderness. if they want a party that's growing again, they're going to have to purge the rump, which means giving up some of those guaranteed but radioactive votes in order to spend necessary time building a new and more attractive coalition.

is that choice any more unpleasant than being stalked by certificate-waving birthers?

"there is an old fable," said hardin, "as old perhaps as humanity, for the oldest records containing it are merely copies of other records still older, that might interest you. it runs as follows:

"a republican horse having a democrat wolf as a powerful and dangerous enemy lived in constant fear of permant minority status his life. being driven to desperation, it occurred to him to seek as strong ally. whereupon he approached a christian fundamentalist man, and offered an alliance, pointing out that the wolf was likewise an enemy of the man. the man accepted the partnership at once and offered to kill the wolf immediately, if his new partner would only co-operate by placing his greater speed at his disposal. the horse was willing, and allowed the man to place bridle and saddle upon him. the man mounted, hunted down the wolf, and killed him.

"the horse, joyful and relieved, thanked the man, and said: 'now that our enemy is dead, remove your bridle and saddle and restore my freedom.'

"whereupon the man laughed loudly and replied, 'the hell you say. giddy-ap, dobbin,' and applied the spurs with a will."

Saturday, July 18, 2009

birther blitz

if any publicity is good publicity, then this week was an unabashed (though admittedly unrequited) love fest for our attention-starved birther buddies:

obama press secretary robert gibbs, press briefing, c-span (7/13):

keith olbermann, countdown, msnbc (7/14):

keith olbermann, countdown, msnbc (7/15):

brett baier, political grapevine, fox (7/17)

kitty pilgrim, lou dobbs tonight, cnn (7/17):

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

certifigate: birfer calculus

as americans from sea to shining sea celebrated their biggest political holiday of the year, the kenyan usurper was dealt his biggest challenge yet — multiple SuperAmericanGrandJury Presentments for multiple counts of fraud and treason handed down by a "world record" 172 dedicated patriots and defenders of the constitution, hand-delivered to the white house, the supreme court, the pentagon, the fbi and secret service, and various senators and congresspersons. it sure sounds like the marxist paradise's starting to get a little more complicated for the usurper-in-chief.

to be honest, it's starting to get a little complicated for any ordinary (but nonetheless natural born) citizens who can be forgiven for not following all the excitement during their holiday. so, in order to help precisely evaluate the real world value of these presentments and fully appreciate the ongoing impact of the still thriving birther movement, we're going to have to break out our trusty certificalculus primer and slide rule. take it away, albert:


1) birfer coefficient

a vast relativistic multiplier (like c2 in einstein's famous matter/energy conversion formula e = mc2) that determines the imaginary birfer value of any real world quantity, effect, probability or process. while applied most often to the number of birthers that may exist at any point in space-time, the birfer coefficient ("bc") is also applied to the significance, likelihood or effect of any birfer event or the speed at which a birfer process operates or is expected to result in success.

real world values x birfer coefficient ("bc") and their resulting birfer equivalents:
  1. one birther and his sock puppet x bc = millions of americans;

    eg: "millions of americans want barack obama to prove he's constitutionally qualified to be president."

  2. "pro bono" x bc = millions of dollars;

    eg: "why else would anyone hire lawyers and expend millions of dollars to avoid producing a $12.50 birth certificate"

  3. one lost election x bc = constitutional crisis of biblical proportions;

    eg: "this is now 6 months into a constitutional crisis of biblical proportions"

  4. 0.00% probability x bc = certainty, victory, inevitability;

    eg: "sooner or later some court or many courts will formally indict obama from our presentments or [a] complaint"


2) birfer value

the vastly inflated imaginary value or significance ("bv") produced by multiplying any real world quantity, effect, probability or process by the birfer coefficient.

more birfer values ("bv") and their real world equivalents:
  1. grand jury (bv) = a chat room, forum or twitter session;

    super jury (bv) = a chat room, forum or twitter session with more than 30 members;

    eg: "the constitution of the united states, as interpreted by the supreme court, gives rise to a FOURTH BRANCH of government, THE GRAND JURY. we the people have been charged with oversight of the government in our roles as grand jurors."

    eg: "the super jury is part of the NEW american revolution and the patriot’s goal is that of taking back america."

  2. indictment or presentment (bv) = a chain letter or spam;

    eg: "we know it is going to take many more Grand Juries and possibly 100's of filings to get the job done. sooner or later the court system is going to be inundated with "presentments" against obama."


3) birfer event

an event or action having only imaginary or purely symbolic effect or significance, which after application of the birfer coefficient can be celebrated as an accomplishment or milestone or victory.

birfer events ("be") and their real world equivalents:

  1. indict (be) = hold breath, stamp feet and point at;

    eg: "super jury INDICTS barack obama on the birthday of our country"

  2. serve (be) indictment or presentment = drop off with bemused receptionist;

    eg: "carl swensson and mack ellis served the 11-page Presentments to president barack obama, at the white house for FRAUD and TREASON."


4) birfer process

any sequence of birfer events which, by virtue of their imaginary or purely symbolic effect or significance, shows only imaginary progress. application of the birfer coefficient gives participants in a birfer process the relativistic perception of real work, accomplishment or success.

eg: "172 grand jury members worked night and day for 10 days in session to hand down the presentments against our arrogant usurper."



5) birfer coefficient collapse

the conversion of any imaginary birfer value into its real world equivalent. most coefficient collapses predictably occur during attempts to realize or exercise their imaginary value using real world processes or procedures.

eg: "the individuals who have made this presentment were not convened by [the U.S. COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA] to sit as a grand jury nor have they been selected at random from a fair cross section of this district.

any self-styled indictment or presentment issued by such a group has no force under the constitution or laws of the united states.

as such, leave to file this presentment is hereby DENIED.

signed by judge royce lamberth"


Friday, July 03, 2009


alaska governor and former republican vice presidential political punchline nominee sarah palin abruptly flames out resigns.

while some question her wisdom:

resignation is a BIG mistake if she actually aspires to higher, national office. only three years as a governor in a very sparsely populated state will be a deal-breaker to a great number of americans, if not to all but the most ardent palin supporters.

... and others rattle her closet for skeletons:

maybe that really was her in "nailin' palin".

... others find new hope:

have heart my freeper friends....this is the best news i have heard in days......sarah is answering the call, and doing it the right way....

she will now be free to travel the country and speak to all comers....she cannot be accused of ignoring her job as govenor, which is totally fine for democrats but unacceptable to people with integrity....

have heart and say your prayers to protect sarah on her very dangerous journey.....

... which brings to mind this quite timely case in point:

* "it's ok if you're a democrat"