certifigate: bizarrobama

bobby jindal's presidential aspirations may have hit a particularly painful and publicized-all-too-well speed bump with his loudly-ridiculed response to obama's address to congress, but the news cycle is moving on and conservatives thankfully enjoy such therapeutically short memories — as illustrated by this weekend's conservative political action conference (cpac) presidential straw poll:

mitt romney 20% bobby jindal 14% sarah palin, ron paul 13% each newt gingrich 10% undecided 9% mike huckabee 7% mark sanford 4% rudy guiliani 3% tim pawlenty 2% charlie crist 1%

with the campaign rhetoric for 2012 kicking into gear, the nomination still looks within jindal's reach, especially with rush limbaugh lionizing him as the second coming of conservative demi-god ronald reagan:

i'm going to give you a name that would make me jump for joy — bobby jindal. i did an interview with bobby jindal. he is the next ronald reagan if he does not change.

continuing to stake out his territory as conservatives' alpha-demagogue, limbaugh pissed all over any fellow wingnuts daring to nay-say the golden child:

i love bobby jindal, and that did not change after last night ...

... people on our side are really making a mistake if they go after bobby jindal on the basis of style. because if you think — people on our side i’m talking to you — those of you who think jindal was horrible, you think — in fact, i don’t ever want to hear from you ever again. ... i’ve spoken to him numerous times, he’s brilliant. he’s the real deal.

conservatives are hoping jindal's speech will remain nothing more than a fading nightmare ... that is, as long as they can help a particularly patriotic and usurper-hating wing of the movement ignore his opening paean to the ineligible one:

regardless of party, all americans are moved by the president's personal story — the son of an american mother and a kenyan father, who grew up to become leader of the free world. like the president's father, my own parents came to this country from a distant land. when they arrived in baton rouge, my mother was already 4½ months pregnant. i was what folks in the insurance industry now call a "pre-existing condition."

it's bad enough suggesting that everybody should get all verklempt over superboy's origin story, but ... telling the world that the next great champion for a conservative renaissance is ... (gasp!) an anchor baby?!!?

welcome to bizarro world, america!

for many certifigaters the issues of documentation or place of birth are but tangents. to borrow shakespeare: "his pop's the thing, wherein we'll catch the conscience of the king". they've twisted their knickers into gordian jockstraps over the horrifying fact that obama's father was not a citizen. many insist that his mother was too young to confer citizenship to her son, or better yet, that she renounced her citizenship by marrying his father. ultimately, birthplace is irrelevant:

everyone should understand and KNOW the answer to the question of what country is the country of which obama was a natural born citizen. It is IMPOSSIBLE for barry obama, barry soetoro, or barack hussein obama junior, to be a natural born united states citizen. he can NOT POSSIBLY be a "natural born citizen" of the US because his father, barack hussein obama senior, was a citizen of UK and/or kenya. barcak hussein obama junior could be a natural born british citizen or a natural born kenyan citizen. there is NO possible way barack hussein obama junior could be a natural born US citizen; because, at the time of barack hussein obama junior was born, his father, barack hussein obama senior was a british and/or kenyan citizen. whether barack hussein obama junior was born in hawaii, kenya, or the moon, is irrelevant.

so what about bobby, who proudly boasts of having neither parent as a citizen at the time of his birth? the issue was recently posed in what turned out to be an uncharacteristically short thread at our favorite hardcore wingnut blog and certifigater watering hole. and i'm shocked, i tell you, just shocked at the level of disinterest in the question:

jindal/palin not a natural-citizen, according to the birthers.

jindal was born in baton rouge

... the allegation is also that That One was born abroad. jindal was definitely born within US territory.

of foreign-born parents. hey, it's not my theory. but the birthers are going on and on about obama not being a natural born citizen because his father was kenyan.

there is proof of his birth and residency here. all that was hashed out when he first ran for governor in 2003. then again in 2007. the louisiana democratic party is real nasty. the problem with zer0 is that he will not provide the real proof and that alone was what keeps the issue alive.

apparently, jindal's parents could've been born on krypton — and it won't matter as long as he's being reeled out as the conservatives' last lifeline to political relevancy.

certifigaters also accuse the usurper of identity fraud, referring to him derisively, as illustrated above, by his stepfather's surname as "barry soetoro" or his mother's maiden name "barry dunham" and other "aliases". perennial also-ran alan keyes, for one, has filed a subpoena for obama's college records, which he claims will prove that:

1. obama attended school as a foreign exchange student and
2. obama was an indonesian citizen and
3. obama was registered under his "alias" soetoro

thank god piyush — oops, i meant "bobby" — doesn't have issues as bizarre as this simmering on the back burner for jindal-deranged moonbats to make a stink of ...

so here's to the next great conservative hero: