the party's over

tulsa was shaping up to be a horror show masquerading as the largest human trial in the history of medicine masquerading as a hate rally masquerading as a campaign opener:

sadly, trump's running low on guinea pigs:

bubble boy

"aw c'mon, it was just a routine inspection!"

[wonkette] bill barr says trump just regular bunker baby, not inspector bunker baby :(

bill barr is basically calling donald trump a liar right now.

remember when trump claimed hilariously to fox news's brian kilmeade that he didn't go in the bunker and hide because he was scared of the american people outside, but rather because it was time for a BUNKER INSPECTION, because of how he's the official white house INSPECTOR BUNKER BABY?

yeah, bill barr says that is not it, in a monday interview with fox news's bret baier.

... "things were so bad that the secret service recommended the president go down to the bunker," mr. barr said in an interview with fox news. "we can't have that in our country."

... bill barr's lies are conflicting with donald trump's lies right now, oh how sad.

... he needs the lie narrative out there that there was some major violence happening in the streets, when all impartial accounts say otherwise.

... meanwhile, donald trump is scared of looking like a weenus, so he needs it to be true that he was simply performing his normal daytime INSPECTOR BUNKER BABY duties, instead of being rushed down to the bunker by the secret service for his own protection.

... two men. two different stories they are telling themselves. both stories bullshit.

commies from mars

we know now that in the early years of the twenty-first century this world was being watched closely by socialists browner than we real americans and far less moral than our own. terrorists lusty, stoned and sociopathic, regarded the land of the free and the suburbs of the brave with envious eyes and slowly and surely drew their plans against us. in the twentieth year of the twenty-first century came the great awakening.

it was near the end of may. stocks were better. the covid scare was over. more men were back at work. cities were re-opening. on this particular evening, may 31, internet world stats estimated that 4.65 billion people were cruising the internet ...

donald j. trump @realDonaldTrump, may 31

the united states of america will be designating ANTIFA as a terrorist organization.

anonymous, may 31

i am not one to spread false information, i have been informed by numerous realizable resources. the protest planned for tonight at 8:30 in downtown klamath falls, IS GOING TO BE DANGEROUS. there are two buses heading this way from portland, full of ANTIFA members and loaded with bricks. their intentions are to come to klamath falls, destroy it, and murder police officers. there have been rumors of the ANTIFA going into residential areas to 'fuck up the white hoods'.

do not get me wrong. i am all for peaceful protesting. infact i was going to attend the protest tonight believing it was going to be peaceful.

the real 3%ers idaho, may 31

ATTN ada county BUSINESS OWNERS in boise and surrounding areas:

we have credible intel tonight that antifa and other groups are planning a riot tonight in the boise area. their plan is to destroy private property in the city and continue to residential areas. we are calling on all business owners to contact us if you are concerned for your business and your private property immediately. we are here to protect you, your private business, and have teams on the ground standing by.

ghost 117 @ThomasMerrick16, jun 1

Antifa is now in klamath falls Oregon my home town we the people of klamath falls #Patriotsforlife let's get these terrorists out of our town

cory johnson @cjohnsondubai, jun 1

time to lock and load to protect our home. two buses of antifa showed up in klamath falls and with in an hour the citizens were on the street heavily armed.

pacificriver @pacificedge541, jun 1

3 buses of BLM/antifa dropped off in klamath falls oregon. residents out too protect thier town.

i climbed a small hill above the pond at sixtieth street. i looked in vain for the monsters or the buses that reportedly had brought them.

it was later found that they were killed by the disinfecting agents against which their systems were unprepared. slain, after all man's defenses had failed, by the two humblest things that god in his wisdom put upon this earth: time ... and the cold hard light of reality.

(apologies to h.g. wells)

[nbc news]
in klamath falls, oregon, victory declared over antifa, which never showed up

...still others remain convinced that antifa had been there that night, run off by the sight of hundreds of armed patriots.

and that’s the story spreading online.

"antifa retreats from suburb after business owner and neighborhood show up with guns," stated the headline on the website newspunch, one of the internet’s most notorious fake news destinations. the article quotes a facebook post by dan kline, the owner of a local billiards bar.

"i have never felt a threat to my business as i did last night," kline wrote in his post. "antifa didn’t make it to the courthouse and my bar had no incidents. antifa walked into a hornet’s nest. it was like a sixth grade football team walking into the oakland coliseum to take on the raiders."

the golden age of antifa comics

who can forget these four-color classics from a time when no one declared that anti-fascists were "terrorists" or that tiki-torch-waving nazis were "very fine people" ...

fast forward ...

(see also: "those were the days")

you too can be a winner

even in the fiercest bear markets, rest assured that our littlest clients always come out a winner:

so crazy it actually worked, redux

thought i might revisit a certain 2018 post:

art:

dr. zola:	schmidt believes he walks in the footsteps of the gods.
col. phillips:	hmph!
dr. zola:	only the world itself will satisfy him.
col. phillips:	you do realize that's nuts, don't you?
dr. zola:	the insanity of the plan is of no consequence.
col. phillips:	and why is that?
dr. zola:	because he can do it!

(tommy lee jones and toby jones in "captain america: the first avenger", 2011)

life:

what was our idea with donald trump?

for four years and two days ... it was necessary to get to everyone in the brain and grab all possible means of mass perception of reality. ensure the victory of donald in the election of the us president. then create a political alliance between the united states, france, russia (and a number of other states) and establish a new world order.

our idea was insane, but realizable.

(konstantin rykov, kremlin social media agent)

meet the cure

when the truth has a liberal bias, who you gonna call?

from a powerful woman

a tense phone conversation between a reporter for the washington examiner and white house senior counselor kellyanne conway was published by the newspaper on thursday.

in the conversation, conway objected that a story written by the reporter, caitlin yilek, mentioned that her husband george conway is a fierce critic of president trump on twitter.

... after the reporter said she would be happy to allow conway to talk to her editor, conway replied: “let me tell you something, from a powerful woman. don’t pull the crap where you’re trying to undercut another woman based on who she’s married to.

"he gets his power through me, if you haven’t noticed," conway said. "not the other way around.

... “you don’t have to rely upon the men in your life and pretend somehow by way of reporting that i rely on the men in my life, which clearly isn’t the case," conway shot back.

(inspired by real twitter account president supervillain, who puts real trumpSpeak into real comics. art by tony s. daniel, sandu florea & norm rapmund, from batman #696)

and then we fell in love

at a rally in west virginia last saturday, president trump told the crowd about feelings he has developed for kim jong un. remember when the president mocked north korea's supreme leader as "little rocket man," and kim ridiculed trump as a "mentally deranged u.s. dotard"?

something else was going on.

trump said, "i was really being tough. and so was he. and we'd go back and forth. and then we fell in love. ok? no, really. he wrote me beautiful letters. and they're great letters. we fell in love. but you know what? now, they'll say 'donald trump said they fell in love, how horrible. how horrible is that? so un-presidential.'"

at least unprecedented.

(inspired by real twitter account president supervillain, who puts real trumpSpeak into real comics. art by jim starlin & dan green, from captain marvel #28)

the political circus

the heartbreak of conservatism

ask frank

this valentine's day revisits the punisher's heartfelt advice to karen page in netflix' "daredevil", suggesting a second calling for the stone-cold vigilante — as an agony uncle.

Mr. Castle:

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!" ... and I'll whisper "No."

Hope world survives long enough for this to reach you. For my own part, regret nothing. Have lived life, free from compromise ... and step into the shadow now.[1]

Without complaint,
-- "ЯR"

DEAR "ЯR":

Look around, ЯR. This city, it stinks! It's a sewer. It stinks and it smells like shit and I can't get the stink out of my nose! I think that this world, it needs men that are willing to make the hard call. I think you and me are the same![2]

Dear Frank:

I don't know where to start.

That ship that appeared last night -- I'm the one they're looking for.

Even if I surrender, there's no guarantee they'll keep their word.

But if there's a chance I can save Earth by turning myself in ... shouldn't I take it?

My gut tells me they can't be trusted.

The problem is ... I'm not sure the people of Earth can be either.[3]

Worst. Reunion. Ever.
"Cal L."

DEAR "CAL":

You're done, now, Cal. They're coming for you. Only way you get out of this, is if you grow wings.[4]

My Dear Punny-Wunny;

There's NO DIFFERENCE between ME and everybody ELSE! All it takes is ONE BAD DAY to reduce the SANEST MAN ALIVE to LUNACY. THAT'S how far the WORLD is from where I am. Just ONE BAD DAY. YOU had a BAD DAY once, am I RIGHT? I KNOW I am. I can TELL. You had a BAD DAY and everything CHANGED. You had a BAD DAY, and it drove YOU as CRAZY as EVERYBODY ELSE ... only YOU won't ADMIT it! You have to keep PRETENDING that life makes SENSE, that there's some POINT to all this STRUGGLING!

God, you make me want to PUKE.[5]

Keep up the GOOD WORK,
-- "Joe Cur"

DEAR "JOE":

Well, loss doesn't work the same for everybody, Joe. We don't get to pick the things that fix us. Make us whole. Make us feel purpose. My moment of clarity? It came from the strangest of places.

Is that why you think you're better than me? You know what I think of you? I think you're a half-measure. I think you're a man who can't finish the job. I think that you're a coward. You know the one thing that you just can't see? You know you're one bad day away from being ME.[6]

Deah Mistah Punisha:

Anotha night I get all dolled up, and anotha night I get the boot. Face it, this stinks. I'm a certified nutzo wanted by the law in two dozen states ... and hopelessly in love with a murderous psychopathic clown. At what point did my life go looney tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?

Nevah again. No more obsession. No more craziness. No more Puddin'. I finally see that slime for what he is.[7]

Tearfully, but no longah a clown,
-- "R. Lee Quinn"

DEAR "LEE":

People that can hurt you, the ones that can really hurt you, are the ones that are close enough to do it. People that get inside you and ... and ... and tear you apart, and make you feel like you're never gonna recover. Shit. I'd ... I ... I would chop my arm off right here, in this restaurant, just to feel that one more time for my wife. My old lady, she didn't just break my heart. She ... She'd rip it out, she'd tear it apart, she'd step on that shit, feed it to a dog. I mean, she was ruthless. She brought the pain. But she'll never hurt me again. You see, I'll never feel that. You sit here and you're all confused about this thing, but you have it. You have everything. So hold on to it. Use two hands and nevah let go. You got it?[8]

Dear Frank:

I tried to stop him once. I couldn't do it.

I can't kill my own father.

There is another, but I can't let her get involved now. He will destroy her.

He's come for me. He can feel when I'm near. That's why I have to go. I have to face him.

Because ... there is good in him. I've felt it. I can save him. I can turn him back to the good side. I have to try.[9]

As destiny approaches,
-- "Jed I."

DEAR "JED":

You still think this piece of shit is worth saving?!?!

That's a bad idea. You see, he'll kill again. Can't live with that, Jed. Can you?

'Cause you need to understand that pieces of shit like this ruin people's lives.[10]

Dear Mr. Castle:

I am a Douwd. An immortal being of disguises and false surroundings. I have lived in this galaxy for many thousands of years although, until today, no one has known my true identity. Once, while traveling in human form, I chanced to fall in love with an Earth woman. I put aside my powers and became her husband. Our life was happy and rich.

Our colony was attacked by a warship belonging to the Husnock, a species of hideous intelligence who knew only aggression and destruction. I could have destroyed them with a mere thought, but I did not do so. I will not kill.

But Rishon went to fight with the colonists, and died with them. I saw her broken body. I went insane.

My hatred exploded, and in an instant of grief I destroyed the Husnock. I didn't kill just one Husnock, or a hundred, or a thousand. I killed them all. All Husnock. Everywhere.

Are eleven thousand people worth fifty billion? Is the love of a woman worth the destruction of an entire species?[11]

Remorseful on Rana,
-- "Kev"

DEAR "KEV":

Yeah. And nobody got hurt who didn't deserve it.[12]

1) rorschach, the watchmen #1, "at midnight, all the agents..." (1985)
2) frank castle, daredevil, season 2#3, "new york's finest" (2016)
3) clark kent, man of steel (2013)
4) frank castle, daredevil, season 2#3, "new york's finest" (2016)
5) the joker, batman: the killing joke (1988)
6) frank castle, daredevil, season 2#3, "new york's finest" (2016)
7) harley quinn, the batman adventures: mad love (1994)
8) frank castle, daredevil, season 2#11, "380" (2016)
9) luke skywalker, star wars: return of the jedi (1983)
10) frank castle, daredevil, season 2#3, "new york's finest" (2016)
11) kevin uxbridge, star trek: the next generation, season 3#3, "the survivors" (1989)
12) frank castle, daredevil, season 2#3, "new york's finest" (2016)

making america great again

updated for today’s conservatism in the age of trump, here’s a modern version of one of my all-time favorite comic stories from psychedelic sixties underground master robert crumb, originally about a form of mental awakening.

(the original story “meatball” can be seen at “classic crumb”.)

(original story & art by robert crumb, 1967; updated by aarrgghh, 2017)

ya gotta kill some pigs

if FOX news were a liberal outfit ...

At Iowa's "Freedom Summit", Mike Huckabee declared war on the police

des moines, iowa — folksy former arkansas governor and faux news commentator and current 2016 presidential potential mike huckabee dropped a bombshell during the closeout speech of saturday's republican party "freedom summit" in iowa. outlining the principles of his radical agenda for the country, huckabee exhorted his talibangelical legions everywhere to massacre law-enforcement officials in washington and beyond.

"we need to do some pig-killing!" huckabee declared, pumping his fists in a gang-salute to a boisterous crowd, where nevada cattle rancher cliven bundy was overhead saying: "we're about ready to take the country over with force!"

however, not everyone at the summit agreed with huckabee. fellow speaker, new jersey governor, rival contender and perennial porcine punchline chris christie nervously called the plan "a solution in search of a problem."

police officers quickly voiced their displeasure with huckabee. "what police officers felt yesterday after that speech is that they were thrown under the bus," said new york police union president patrick lynch. "that they were out there doing a difficult job in the middle of the night, protecting the rights of those to stump, protecting romney's sons and dollars, and huckabee was behind microphones like this throwing them under the bus."

despite some resistance among traditional conservative ranks, huckabee remained committed to pushing the GOP down a new and militant path. "ya gotta kill some pigs," he said. "and folks, there are a lotta people ... that don't wanna kill any pigs."

"... i mean black people"

in a thursday special saturday night live took a chainsaw to romney's "quiet room" comments about the so-called "47%":

romney (jason sudeikis): "... so you have this 47% that don't pay taxes, and these people are never going to vote for me. and when i talk about these people who don't pay taxes, i don't mean senior citizens. alright? and i don't mean members of our armed services. and i don't mean southern whites. okay, what i mean is ... and real quick — no one is recording this, correct? no? okay, it's very important that no one records this. okay, good, 'cause i'm about to say who "these people" [finger quotes] are. now i would prefer not to have that on tape.

[turns to camera] ah, sorry sir, is that a camera on the table pointing right at me?

[brief camera pans right and left, as if signaling "no"] okay, great.

[turning back to guests] alright, now when i say "these people", i mean black people."

snl got it exactly right: this is the elusive "whitey tape". the real one. glad somebody finally aired it.

since the surfacing of romney's "47%" comments, a narrative has settled in that romney has carelessly damaged himself with huge swathes of his own voters. while there is definitely anecdotal evidence of some defections, and while i can certainly see this hurting him badly among any remaining undecideds, anyone who's been following conservatives, especially hardcore conservatives, knows that this tape only validates what wingnuts rich, middle and poor already believe. to them, romney's statements come simply as an extension of his already established coded attacks on welfare.

the american spectator: "when i hear romney's words at this event, my reaction is "say more of this stuff in public, mitt." it's a strong and correct message (other than the use of a number as high as 47 percent) and it will resonate with many americans, including quite a few who don't pay income tax."

"i entirely agree, and this should be the campaign focus. if the truth doesn't get him elected, then the country is gone at this point in history anyway." (pieceofthepuzzle)

as i recently commented on daily kos:

... romney's saying that the OTHER half of the country are freeloaders (colored people).

HIS half of the country, his white base, regardless of class or income level, will always exempt themselves from that description. they rightfully deserve their govt largess (tax cuts, loans, subsidies), which don't count as loathsome handouts (welfare, food stamps, unemployment).

cnn's john king carried the conventional narrative by poignantly making the case for the 47% via his own experience:

"... so, a lot of these voters could be republicans. and ah, i understand your back-and-forth, but alice, i, i make a personal note here: a lot of americans, of all income stripes, have struggled for the last few years and the risk for gov. romney is that it is insulting to them. as a kid, my family was on food stamps for a couple of years when my dad got sick. ah, we didn't feel entitled, and we weren't victms, and my father was pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. ah, but in the end my mother was grateful she was able to feed her kids."

meanwhile, hardcore conservatives not only exempt themselves from admissions or accusations of government assistance, they deny their government assistance is a form of government assistance! craig t. nelson on glenn beck's show:

"i've been on food stamps. anybody help me out? no."

just another episode in the GOP's long-running but more and more often flaccid southern strategy:

interviewer: but the fact is, isn't it, that reagan does get to the wallace voter and to the racist side of the wallace voter by doing away with legal services, by cutting down on food stamps?

lee atwater: you start out in 1954 by saying, "nigger, nigger, nigger." by 1968 you can't say "nigger" — that hurts you. backfires. so you say stuff like forced busing, states' rights and all that stuff. you're getting so abstract now [that] you're talking about cutting taxes, and all these things you're talking about are totally economic things and a byproduct of them is [that] blacks get hurt worse than whites. and subconsciously maybe that is part of it. i'm not saying that. but i'm saying that if it is getting that abstract, and that coded, that we are doing away with the racial problem one way or the other. you follow me — because obviously sitting around saying, "we want to cut this," is much more abstract than even the busing thing, and a hell of a lot more abstract than "nigger, nigger."

bi-Zarro bat-Man

as a fan of all things batman, i couldn't resist chip kidd's and tony millionaire's 2001 homage to creator bob kane's original concept — here two ever-so-slightly warped send-ups which, despite their intended seediness, successfully evoke the distinctively creepy atmosphere of our grim hero's world.

"the mad monk returns"

(stories by chip kidd, art by tony millionaire, cover by matt groening, color by jim campbell)