the soon-to-be-senator from minnesota

disclaimer: those who've known me for a long time would never accuse me of developing a mancrush on anybody (not that there's anything wrong with it ...), and really, it's not, but ... there's something about the way al carries his oddball pretend-irascibility (or is it an irascible pretend-oddballity?), even while working the audience to convince us he's no carpet-bagger, a performance that somehow cleverly morphs itself into something bordering on a kind of — dare i say it — adorability?

(of course, smacking bush around does kinda help seal the deal and reminiscing about all the decider's unappreciated genius has become somewhat fashionable at the moment ...)

letterman:	ladies and gentlemen ... al franken!
	[franken walks onstage, bows, sits] always a pleasure, al.
franken:	always a pleasure for me.
letterman:	so where do they tape your microphone?
franken:	[bends to look at his crotch] well, dave ...
letterman:	heh, heh, heh ... well now, i don't wanna ... i don't wanna bore you, but you might find some of this tedious ...
franken:	yeah ...
letterman:	... but i find it fascinating, ah, a while ago, six months ago? three months ago? a year ago ... you and your wife moved ...
together:	to minneapolis ...
franken:	... that's right.
letterman:	you're originally from minnesota. how's that goin'?
franken:	... great. great! great, i do my show from there. y'know, i'm the hardest working man in show biz politics, and uh ...
schaefer:	[laughing] ... it's a new category to me! hahaha!
franken:	yeah, yeah, and, in fact this thing i'm doing tomorrow night, the reason i brought it up, is it's a big fund-raiser for my group "midwest values PAC" ...
letterman:	at the state theater ...
franken:	yeah, and we're raising money for democrats, y'know, it's called "midwest values" because i feel, i, y'know, i lived here for a long time ...
letterman:	thirty years or so in new york.
franken:	yeah, and uh, but i always felt like a midwesterner, always felt like a minnesotan. you must feel like —
letterman:	y'know, i do, and i feel like i'm at home. i love indiana and i feel that that's a great part of me.
franken:	yeah, and that's ... your values are rooted there, and uh, that's what our PAC is about, and uh, that's because i think democrats win ... on values. we stand for things, for example: ah, accountability. like, uh, bush finally, like a couple weeks ago, uh, was with tony blair, admitted that he made some mistakes ... in iraq. right. [applause] and all he said, he said "i said some things wrong. like, i shouldn't have said 'bring it on.'"
letterman:	right.
franken:	which is kinda common sense, another midwest value: don't goad the enemy to attack you. [laughter]
letterman:	right.
franken:	y'know, and it's all that swagger thing, like, at the ... remember at the republican convention he said: "some people see me, and, uh, [adopts bush drawl] they see a swagger, certain swagger. well, in texas we call that walkin'." in minnesota we call that "being a jerk." [applause] y'know. walk with, with uh ...
letterman:	... dignity ...
franken:	... some humility ...
letterman:	yes, humility, right.
franken:	... humility. ah, bush, y'know, says like he's a big jesus guy. well, jesus didn't walk with a swagger. he didn't go like, [adopts bush drawl] "see that water i turned into wine?" [points to self] "me. that was me."
letterman:	heh — not a show-off ...
franken:	[still in character] "see that blind guy over there? that uh, he's not bumpin' into things any more? [points to self] jesus." [laughter]
letterman:	wasn't a blowhard ...
franken:	[still in character] "yeah. that big boulder i rolled, y'know, in front of, i rolled that outta the entrance to that cave where i was dead and now i'm alive? eh?" [puffs out chest] "bring it on!" [applause] y'know, it's easy — that wasn't jesus. that was ... walk with some, some ... humility.
letterman:	that's right.
franken:	you can be strong, you can be courageous —
letterman:	exactly.
franken:	— it's not, that kind of bluster isn't strong. that's not strength.
letterman:	now, uh, from where you sit, what are your other observations regarding, now we're nearly halfway through the second term of the bush administration. what are your observations generally of, about things now?
franken:	he's ... he's in the toilet. actually, lorne michaels said something very funny to me. he said that jee— uh, ah, that bush ... [laughter, applause] ... i had jesus on the brain!
letterman:	we all do.
franken:	great, great prophet, jesus.
letterman:	yeah.
franken:	as my rabbi told me, he had a lot of great ideas. none of them knew. s'what my rabbi used to tell me. anyway, ah, bush. lorne michaels said to me, "looks like a, a guy whose show's just been cancelled, but he has nine more to do." [applause]
letterman:	heh, i know that feeling.
franken:	you know that feeling?
letterman:	yeah, absolutely.
franken:	like, i mean, obviously the war's just going terribly. uh, if he's going to admit those mistakes, he should have admitted a couple other things. for example, ah, when he said, y'know, that the war on terror is a crusade. that was stupid.
letterman:	poor choice of words.
franken:	it sent the wrong message to a lot of people. muslims, mainly. and, uh, y'know the only defense i can thing of for him is that, um, y'know he didn't know there had been a "crusades". [laughter]
letterman:	[unintelligible]
franken:	y'know, he wasn't a great student. he's admitted he doesn't do a lot of reading. so i think that the thing he needs to do is hold himself accountable. i think he needs to go on TV and admit the mistakes he made. that he kind of ... misled us ... into the war, didn't send enough troops, uh, disbanded the iraqi army by telling them, y'know, by telling 300,000 guys: "you're fired! we're not gonna pay you, get the hell outta here! and take your weapons with you!" [laughter] and say: "i'm sorry i tortured — we tortured people." that turned out to be a mistake, because, y'know, their families don't like it. they get angry. basically, this would be, this is the short version. it'd have to be a six-hour speech he'd have to tell, s'what i'm saying.
letterman:	[laughing] ... six hours ... now, i want to talk to you about your experience with the american military. and recently you gave the commencement at west point.
franken:	it wasn't the commencement. it was just a ...
letterman:	just a "how'ya doin'?" you just dropped in ... ?
franken:	it was, it was sort of in-between.
letterman:	OK. we'll be right back here with al franken, everybody.
	[commercial break]
letterman:	... and i said, mistakenly, you'd given the commencement at west point, and i think, uh, president bush actually gave the commencement.
franken:	yeah, they just ask him to do the commencement, i just ...
letterman:	you were not there for the commencement.
franken:	... gave the sol feinstone lecture on the meaning of freedom. this is last — i had my book out at the time, "the truth, with jokes", this was, i was at west point. it was an audience not so different than this one. [laughter] uh, except, it was all cadets.
letterman:	that's right. that would be the one small difference.
franken:	yeah and i was supposed to talk about the meaning of freedom, and my book "the truth, with jokes" was out at the time and basically, after jollying them up with some jokes, um, i got them on my side, and i told them that the president had lied us into the war, and uh, i said you can't have freedom without the truth. you can have freedom without jokes, as the dutch and the swiss have proven. [laughter] but, they um, gave me a standing ovation, and they —
letterman:	really?
franken:	yeah. i think that, i really admire them, as you said, i've gone over a number of times on USO trips and — a lotta people think that it's dangerous. it's not. i remember that — you're surrounded by the USO, by ...
letterman:	the army.
franken:	by the, yeah, by the ... you're embedded and they don't want anyone in the USO to get ... a coupla years ago i'd done my first one in iraq. i was at a party in hollywood and there was all these celebrities there and i got a little bit overwhelmed and i went to sit in the library and i was — i thought i was alone and i hear this voice: [in deep low voice] "hey, al ..." yeah, i looked around and it was sylvester stallone.
letterman:	oh ...
franken:	and i said, uh "hey ... uh ... sylvester." 'cause i didn't know ... [laughter]
letterman:	riiight ...
franken:	and he said, [in deep low voice] "i understand you went on one of them USO tours." i said "yeah it was great." he said [deep] "yah, well, i was supposed to go, but i didn't." and i said "well, why didn't you go?" he said [deep] "well, i thought it might be too dangerous." i said "well, it's not really that dangerous ..." i said exactly just what i said to you and he said [deep]"yah well lemmee ask ya this: was there ever any moment when you felt in danger for your life?" [laughter] and i said well, OK we did have one point where we took helicopters from baghdad to tikrit and then back again, and some ... had been shot down, so i thought maybe one-in-ten-thousand chance that — [deep] "yah well, that's why i didn't go." [laughter] i said to him "weren't you, weren't you friggin' rambo?" [laughter, applause]
letterman:	friggin' ... friggin' rambo ...
franken:	i didn't say "friggin'", but ...
letterman:	[unintelligible] rambo ...
franken:	he was actually very honest and said [deep] "yah, but i like my life. i got a good life." that's how i got the west point guys on my side. i told them that story.
letterman:	yeah, that's a pretty good story ...
franken:	true story.
letterman:	what's he doin' in the library, fer god sakes ... ? [laughter]
franken:	uh, i, ah ...
letterman:	honestly, that's bizarre.
franken:	he might've followed me in.
letterman:	uh, just wanna quickly, ah, because we're all interested in your political future, if you have one, perhaps running for office, and i think the interesting thing, and important to point out, is you've been married for quite a few years and that's very important. you should use that in your campaign. people like, uh, marriage solidarity. and you certainly represent that, you and your wife have been married how, how long?
franken:	um, thirty years, many of them happy. [laughter, applause]
letterman:	that's good.
franken:	thank you. thank you.
letterman:	don't be afraid to use this, for your campaign.
franken:	um, i credit fear.
letterman:	hm.
franken:	yes, i just, ah, am afraid of being alone. and uh, we have kids. that's —
letterman:	that's good, sure.
franken:	really ... i, uh, i find her incredibly annoying in a lotta ways. [laughter]
letterman:	talkin' about your wife now?
franken:	yah, um ...
letterman:	you might wanna soft-pedal this out on the campaign trail ...
franken:	yeah ... well, it's little things! it's just always little things. she does a lot of like ... she decides to say stuff to me as soon as i've walked out of the room. so i spend a lot of time saying: "i can't, i can't hear you!" [laughter] but we ... "i'm in another room!" and um ... y'know, but we, we met, uh, freshman — can i tell you the story of my, uh ... when my daughter was six years old — 'cause kira's segment was so lovely — i was at my daughter's teacher, when my daughter was six years old, asked her to write a story, asked every kid to write a story how their parents met. and, so, um, we told her: we met freshman year in college at a mixer, i said i saw your mom across the room gathering these, uh, other girls to leave. she was trying to get 'em to leave and i loved the way she like, was taking charge. in retrospect ... [waves hands dismissively] ... and anyway, um, i said — and she was beautiful! she was beautiful! y'know, beautiful, so i asked her to dance, then i, uh, bought her a, got her a ginger ale, and then i escorted her to her dorm and asked her for a date. so my daughter wrote: "my dad asked my mom to dance, bought her a drink and took her home." [applause] and ...
letterman:	hehhehheh, well ... nothin' wrong with that either! tomorrow night at the state theater in minneapolis. i'm sure it'll be an enjoyable evening.
franken:	it, um ... the website, just in case you wanted to get tickets in minneapolis, midwestvaluespac.org, and that, that is not to be confused with liveorg.org, which is where you get live organs ...
letterman:	heh heh heh. alright ...
franken:	... live human organs, which is another one of my ...
letterman:	no, you wouldn't wanna get those —
franken:	our organs are human.
letterman:	yeah, that's right. good.
franken:	midwestvaluespac.org.
letterman:	thank you very much, al. always a pleasure. nice to see you.
franken:	thanks.

(hat tip to one good move)

thanks, bp: oils well that ends well ... ?

until the stoppage has been independently confirmed, i'll keep my revised meter running.

BP says it has temporarily stopped oil flowing into the gulf of mexico from its leaking well. it is the first time the flow has stopped since an explosion on the deepwater horizon rig on 20 april. the well has been sealed with a cap as part of a test of its integrity that could last up to 48 hours. US president barack obama said the development was a "positive sign" but noted that BP was still in the testing phase. BP executive kent wells said the oil had been stopped at 1425 local time (1925 GMT) and he was "excited" by the progress.

no imagination needed

... to guess how a non-white version of a certain much-hyped vocal national "grass-roots" movement would go over with the mainstream media:

what if the tea party was black? holding guns like the black panther party was back? if al was rush limbaugh and jesse was sean hannity and tavis was glenn beck would they harm they families? if sarah palin was suddenly sistah souljah would they leave it with the votes or go and get the soldiers? y'all know if the tea party was black the government would have been had the army attack! what if michael baisden was on ya FM dial for 3 hours every day calling the president foul? would they say free speech or find evidence how to charge him with treason like see he's unamerican now? what if minister farrakhan prayed for the death of the commander in chief that he be laid to rest? would they treat it as the gravest threat or never make an arrest even today he's still hated for less? what if president obama would have lost the election? quit his job so he could go talk to the left and bash the government for being off of direction fraught with deception? and told black people they want all of our weapons and we want our own country and called for secession? would he be arrested and tossed in corrections for trying to foster aggression against the people's lawful selection? our question's ... what if the tea party was black? holding guns like the black panther party was back? if al was rush limbaugh and jesse was sean hannity and tavis was glenn beck would they harm they families? if sarah palin was suddenly sistah souljah would they leave it with the votes or go and get the soldiers? y'all know if the tea party was black the government would have been had the army attack! what if black people went on facebook and made a page that for the death of the president-elect we prayed? would the creators be tazed and thrown in a cage? we know the page wouldn't have been displayed all these days! what if jeremiah wright said that everybody white wasn't a real america would you feel scared of him? if he had a militia with pictures that depict the president as hitler they would kill and bury that wait ... what if cynthia mckinney lamented the winning of the new president and hinted he wasn't really a true resident with no proof or evidence? would the media treat it like a huge press event? they would have attacked whatever group she represents! they would have called her a kook on precedent and any network that gave her due preference would be the laughing stock of the news so our question is ... what if the tea party was black? holding guns like the black panther party was back? if al was rush limbaugh and jesse was sean hannity and tavis was glenn beck would they harm they families? if sarah palin was suddenly sistah souljah would they leave it with the votes or go and get the soldiers? y'all know if the tea party was black the government would have been had the army attack!

(hat tip to oliver willis)

quote of the day

from the booman:

i've never seen a fringe movement take control of a party's soul and mind like this before. i was hoping that the governance of dick cheney, george w. bush, and karl rove was the worst the right could offer, but it's not even close. the republicans have been cynical so long that they've been taken over by the duped. ... the republican party that impeached clinton was dangerously insane. they took it up several notches after 9/11. but what we're witnessing now is of a totally different scale. the parasite has taken over the host.

shoulda, woulda, coulda

s'funny how what sounded impossible a coupl'a years ago sounds like a slam-dunk today ...

nader:	what about the more serious violations of habeas corpus. you know after 9-11 bush rounded up thousands of them, americans, many of them muslim americans or arabic americans and they were thrown in jail without charges, they didn't have lawyers, some of them were pretty mistreated in new york city. you know they were all released eventually.
napolitano:	correct.
nader:	is that what you mean also about throwing people in jail without charges violating habeas corpus?
napolitano:	well that is so obviously a violation of the natural law, the natural right to be brought before a neutral arbiter within moments of the government taking your freedom away from you. and the constitution itself, as the supreme court in the boumediene case pretty much said, wherever the government goes, the constitution goes with it and wherever the constitution goes are the rights of the constitution as a guarantee and habeas corpus cannot be suspended by the president ever. it can only be suspended by the congress in times of rebellion which in read milligan says meaning rebellion of such magnitude that judges can't get into their court houses. that has not happened in american history. so what president bush did with the suspension of habeas corpus, with the whole concept of guantanamo bay, with the whole idea that he could avoid and evade federal laws, treaties, federal judges and the constitution was blatantly unconstitutional and is some cases criminal.
nader:	what's the sanction for president bush and vice president cheney?
napolitano:	there's been no sanction except what history will say about them.
nader:	what should be the sanctions?
napolitano:	they should have been indicted. they absolutely should have been indicted for torturing, for spying, for arresting without warrants. i'd like to say they should be indicted for lying but believe it or not, unless you're under oath, lying is not a crime. at least not an indictable crime. it's a moral crime.
nader:	so you think george w. bush and dick cheney should even though they've left office, they haven't escaped the criminal laws, they should be indicted and prosecuted?
napolitano:	the evidence in this book and in others, our colleague the great vincent bugliosi has amassed an incredible amount of evidence. the purpose of this book was not to amass that evidence but i do discuss it, is overwhelming when you compare it to the level of evidence required for a normal indictment that george w. bush as president and dick cheney as vice president participated in criminal conspiracies to violate the federal law and the guaranteed civil liberties of hundreds, maybe thousands of human beings.

(hat tip to crooks and liars)

found: the lost surfer scripts

caution: this area reserved for fans of marvel comics' silver surfer. those at least familiar with the character might nonetheless find this post amusing ...

if you thought after the fantastic four had narrowly averted doomsday by turning back the cosmic threat of galactus that the big winners were earth's eight billion inhabitants, you might have been wrong, because marvel comics publisher stan lee knew better. marvel had a hot new property on its hands: the tortured, soul-searching oscar award lookalike, the silver surfer, who was himself awarded his own title.

looks turned out to be deceiving, however, and much to marvel's chagrin, the title was sadly put out to pasture without fanfare after only 18 issues.

though exiled on earth by his globe-gobbling overlord, the surfer was not without powerful friends, who soon piled stan lee's desk high with scripts from what seemed the entire pantheon of '70s pop lit: tom wolfe, charles bukowski, larry mcmurtry, sylvester stallone, james michener, hanna and barbera, erica jong and jerzy kosinski were among those attempting to resurrect icarus, but for one reason after another, their efforts languished and remained untouched by the light of day — that is, until now:

(art by bill sienkiewicz)

... of all the "mean streets"-type submissions, the most noteworthy was galaxy primeval: high noon in space, penned by then-obscure elmore leonard (who is now america's fastest-rising chronicler of the demimonde). a passage: poke, in tan slacks and powder-blue shirt, sipping the salty dog, saying, "the fuck? bastard owes us ten grand. i earned that ten grand, man." think­ing, "this mother­fucker, shit, silver god­damn skin rid­ing a silver god­damn surf­board, shit, pick us out of a lineup in a minute." the surfer, pushing off the little cross­bolt safety above the trigger, sliding it back and forward again, the beretta nine-millimeter parabellum dark against his silver skin, saying, "but why have fear and hostility so possessed the hearts of men?" poke thinking, "this dude, fuck, man, dude's a fucking square. dude's ready for the psycho ward. the fuck i'm thinking, man, walk with this dude out on the streets? freakiest fucking dude in detroit. shit, man, freakier than deleon johnson and his .38 with the rubber god­damn bands wrapped around the handle." poke, earing back the hammer of his walther p-38, saying, "the fuck, ain't got no hostility, man. cock­sucker owe me ten grand, i'm gonna get it. don't care if the fucker eats planets, man." the surfer, hands outstretched, fin­gers spread out be­seech­ing­ly, say­ing, "but you canst not under­stand. hu­man, how can one such as you com­pre­hend the li­mit­less po­wer of him whom men call galactus?" "the fuck," poke saying. "don't give a shit what people call him. just stick this here gun in his fucking mouth, man, and ear back the hammer. fuckin' blow his brains all over outer space, man. like, no one will hear him scream." the surfer, glanc­ing into the mirror behind poke, cock­ing his head like gary cooper in that movie, high noon, liking the way he looked in the o­rig­i­nal crested beaut american cowboy hat with the fun­nel­ed brim, the way it curved down over his eyes, say­ing, "per­haps, then, hu­man, it is de­sol­a­tion you seek, and per­haps, in that de­sol­a­tion, you will find the peace your heart desires. but as for where the silver surfer soars ... know you that he soars alone." poke saying, "then fuck off, chickenfat." lee liked the script, but cautioned that if the surfer appeared wearing a crested beaut american cowboy hat he might be confused with a marvel reprint standby, the rawhide kid. buscema argued, "yeah, but this hat has a funneled brim. the rawhide kid's doesn't have a funneled brim." arguments raged on for weeks ...

(original 1968 story by stan lee, art by john buscema and joe sinnott)

to savor other surfer stories in the voices of james michener, charles bukowski, jerzy kosinski, larry mcmurtry, eldridge cleaver, tom wolfe and j.g. ballard, download the complete article "the surfer scripts" (pdf).

the hammer

when you have a hammer, people will bring you nails:

what’s the point of you saving this superb military for, colin, if we can't use it? — former un ambassador madeleine albright

bp 2050

the ongoing wake-up call ringing itself off the hook in the mexican gulf brings to mind 1980's "solar plexus", a cautionary bit of science fantasy by rick veitch, which originally appeared in the fourth issue of marvel comics' first color magazine epic illustrated:

(story and art by rick veitch)

---

hate to nitpick, but veitch does make some stereotypical comic book science blunders and his most glaring one is off by an order of magnitude: the sun's radius is almost 700,000km, so a mere 50,000km tap would hardly come close to "penetrating deep into the sun's meaty guts ..." as veitch describes.

but editor archie goodwin committed a far more serious error: he ran veitch's story with pages 6 and 7 out of order — an unpardonable sin about which i'm sure goodwin thinks he's already heard enough.

thanks, bp

readers may have noticed the new bp oil spill meter perched in the right column of this blog. it will remain a fixture here until such time that the leak has been independently confirmed as sealed.

my home-made widget isn't as snazzy as pbs', but it can be resized. the spill rate is based on pbs' worst case scenario of 4,200,000 gallons per day (which amounts to 48.61 gallons per second ¹), which daily comes closer to reality as we peel away layer after layer of bp's lies and lowballing.

my widget also takes account of local time zones. according to wikipedia, the well exploded on april 20 at 9:45pm central daylight time. so anyone in chicago watching the meter will see the "day" counter advance nightly at 9:45pm. anyone watching in los angeles will see their counter advance at 7:45pm, while counters in new york will advance at 10:45pm, and so forth around the globe.

copy the code below and paste it into your own web pages to get a meter for your blog. to resize it, simply substitute your own numbers at each instance of the parameters for "height" and "width":

<object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://fpdownload.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=8,0,0,0" width="220" height="156" id="bpLeakCounter01" align="middle"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="sameDomain" /><param name="movie" value="http://www.aarrgghh.com/gladYouAsked/bpLeak/bpLeakCounter01.swf" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#000000" /><embed src="http://www.aarrgghh.com/gladYouAsked/bpLeak/bpLeakCounter01.swf" quality="high" bgcolor="#000000" width="220" height="156" name="bpLeakCounter01" align="middle" allowscriptaccess="sameDomain" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" /></embed></object>

---

1. oddly, the math programmers at pbs seem to think 4.2m gal/day amounts to just 37 gal/sec. update: d'oh! my bad — pbs' counter is also attempting to account for the "recaptured" oil, a number even harder to substantiate than the spillage. update 2: now revised to include bp's reported stoppage.

headline of the day

via associated press:

"ex-VP cheney hospitalized after having discomfort"

i never thought "having discomfort" was even possible for a person who could launch the needless deaths of hundreds of thousands of men, women and children across the globe, and who could coerce a public apology from a man he'd drunkenly shot in the face?

mcchrystal's cadre

via marc ambinder @ the atlantic, a birther wet dream dries up and blows away:

beginning in the early afternoon, a cadre of military and civilian soldiers loyal to gen. stanley mcchrystal began to spread rumors throughout the capital city: that ground commanders in afghanistan were threatening to resign ... that the CIA's chief of station in kabul had stepped down ... that the commander of the joint special operations command (JSOC), william mcraven, was irate and wanted to step down ... that commanders of the "special mission units" like mcraven's former subordinates at devgru (SEAL team six) would refuse taskings from the national command authority ... that buried secrets were about to be exposed, like who actually leaked the mcchrystal afghanistan review to bob woodward. first, though a lot of officers who hitched their careers to mcchrystal are indeed quite angry, no one has resigned, the CIA's station chief remains in place (though he's quite close to mcchrystal) and mcraven isn't going anywhere. second, it is meaningful and endearing that so many people are loyal to mcchrystal. they revere the man. third, such behavior, while in one context explicable, is precisely an argument in favor of president obama's decision to remove mcchrystal ...

if, as birthers promise, the military's ready to overthrow the kenyan usurper, it doesn't look like it's going to happen this week. 'til then, the brass will just have to keep following his orders and keep showing him the respect he's lawfully due.

the writing life

sometimes these things just write themselves ...

(story and art by tom cheney, from national lampoon, february 1984)

surfin' mobile bay

fun, fun, fun off the coast of alabama:

(hat tip to pharyngula)

the art of the backdown

house minority leader john boehner (R-OH) forecasting the 2010 midterm elections (apr 30):

inskeep:	i understand you're saying it's difficult to model this election. but when you look across the 435 seats in the house of representatives, how many seats are in play right now?
boehner:	well, typically, you are correct. there would be some limited number of seats in play. let me remind you that scott brown won the ted kennedy senate seat in massachusetts. if scott brown can win in massachusetts, there isn't a seat in america the republicans can't win. and what we're seeing every day is the playing field widen, widen beyond anything we've seen around here during my 20 years.
inskeep:	how wide is the playing field now, as far as you're concerned?
boehner:	at least 100 seats.
inskeep:	you think there are 100 seats in the united states that could change hands one way or the other.
boehner:	i do.

RNC political director gentry collins (may 11):

our scoring as of today has us looking at about 130 house seats as potentially competitive. ... just to be clear, i'm making no claim that we are going to pick up 130 house seats.

boehner (may 25):

whether we can get to a majority or not, is a steep climb. ... i do think that we have a reasonable chance.

house GOP deputy whip and NRCC recruiter kevin mccarthy (may 27):

mccarthy said that top GOPers have told him they hope to win in the neighborhood of 37 seats rather than 40 so they're in a stronger position to have good back-to-back cycles and win the WH in '12.

the art of the backdown

oil producer british petroleum (BP) ceo tony hayward, forecasting the damage, or lack thereof, to the gulf of mexico from the ongoing and as-yet-uncontrolled flood of crude oil from the well damaged by the destruction of his deepsea drilling rig deepwater horizon:

i think the environmental impact of this disaster is likely to be very, very modest. it is impossible to say — we will mount, as part of the aftermath, a very detailed environmental assessment as we go forward. we're going to do that with some of the science institutions in the u.s., but everything we can see, at the moment, suggests that the overall environmental impact of this will be very, very modest. (may 18)

ten days later ...

it is clear that we're dealing with a very significant environmental crisis and catastrophe. ... a cup of oil on the shore is failure. ... in that regard, we have failed to defend the shoreline to the degree and extent that we believed we could. (may 28)

(tip of the hat to think progress.)

---

update: too true, john cole. too true ...

when the oil company that caused the mess is using this terminology, you have to wonder how horrible it is ...

quiet about the delorean

presenting "what natural-born citizenship really means", from afterbirther's excellent and soon-to-be-famous ongoing contemporary history series "great moments in birtherism":

jefferson:	ok, i think i got this. i changed "45 years" to "35". it now reads: "neither shall any person be eligible for that office who shall not have attained to the age of 35 years and been 14 years a resident within the united states." how's that sound?
washington:	oh yeah, i like that much better. after all, it's 1787, most of us are dead before we ever get to be forty-five.
jefferson:	great. so, let's see: we've taken care of the age thing; we've written in the grandfather clause so that old benny franklin doesn't feel all left out; the residency thing is handled. so what are we missing?
washington:	well, there's still that whole citizenship thing.
jefferson:	oh yeah, that thing that john jay was running on about. what's his problem, again?
washington:	well, he seems to have this wild hair about a usurper becoming commander-in-chief one day. i'm not quite sure i get the whole issue. i think it has something to do with kenya.
jefferson:	ok, well, how about something like this: "no person except a native-born citizen can be born president."
washington:	close ... but not quite. john really likes the term "natural-born" instead of "native-born".
jefferson:	"natural-born"? what the hell does that mean?
washington:	well, de vattel says —
jefferson:	no! no! be very quiet about de vattel. nobody's supposed to know about the delorean!
washington:	hey, you're preaching to the choir! but if we don't use the delorean, we're stuck with english common law! and you know how well that's been working out ...
jefferson:	but if we start using common law terms in ways that won't be invented for another ten years, then we're gonna need a glossary.
washington:	that's a bad idea too. after all, jay had his heart set on being on the supreme court. if we make a glossary, they'll have nothing to do.
jefferson:	but why de vattel? i mean, on issues of citizenship, the man's a fucking idiot!
washington:	i thought you liked the frogs ... ?
jefferson:	now, george, be nice — you know i'm a dual citizen of france!
washington:	i know. i just like to rub it in.
jefferson:	and after all, de vattel is not even really french. he's swiss, for god's sake! who pays any attention to the swiss? they're not even big enough to have their own language!
washington:	so, ok, we have to make john jay happy. after all, he's like a bazillionth-degree templar in the illuminati and if we piss him off, it's back to virginia for both of us!
jefferson:	wait — i have an idea ... bear with me: what if we used jay's "natural-born citizen" but don't use english common law or de vattel's definition ... ?
washington:	go on. i'm listening ...
jefferson:	... what if we use it to mean somebody who was born naturally, as opposed to cloned?
washington:	cloned?
jefferson:	yeah, cloned. i was tooling around in the delorean. it's gonna be huge!
washington:	ok ... i like it. so john jay gets his phrase; we don't have to worry about either de vattel or english common law; no glossary so the supreme court has something to do. i think we've got article ii covered. awesome!
jefferson:	now we can go tackle that amendment that abigail adams has been so bitchy about.
washington:	which one is that, again?
jefferson:	the second amendment. the one about giving first ladies the right to wear sleeveless dresses.
washington:	oh yeah. grab some sunscreen. i'll go load the flux capacitor into the delorean and then meet you in the garage ...

the art of the backdown iii

kentucky's spanking-new libertarian teabagging senate nominee rand paul opining on that part of the 1964 civil rights act that he would have tried to "modify":

well, there's 10 — there's 10 different — there's 10 different titles, you know, to the civil rights act, and nine out of 10 deal with public institutions and i'm absolutely in favor of ... one deals with private institutions, and had i been around, i would have tried to modify that. ... should we limit speech from people we find abhorrent? should we limit racists from speaking? ... i don't want to be associated with those people, but i also don't want to limit their speech in any way in the sense that we tolerate boorish and uncivilized behavior because that's one of the things freedom requires is that we allow people to be boorish and uncivilized, but that doesn't mean we approve of it.

rand spokesperson jesse benton:

civil rights legislation that has been affirmed by our courts gives the federal government the right to insure that private businesses don't discriminate based on race. dr. paul supports those powers.

finally:

i've never really favored any change in the civil rights act ... they seem to have unleashed some of the loony left on me.

---

update: greg sargent @ the washington post underscores why the question of what's in paul's heart is neither irrelevant nor a matter of sheer speculation:

i think people still aren't focused enough on the core issue at the heart of the controversy over rand paul's comments about the civil rights act. specifically: paul, the darling of the tea partyers and one of the highest profile GOP senate candidates in the country, cannot bring himself to say — clearly and unequivocally — that the federal government should have the power to prohibit private businesses from discriminating on the basis of skin color, religion, or national origin. sure, paul has now said he would have voted for the civil rights act. and his spokesman has clarified under questioning that, yes, paul believes the federal government should have this power. but paul himself can't manage to say this. he visibly doesn't want to say this. it's remarkable..

a washington dictionary

sen•ate |'senit|

noun

a private club for old, out-of-touch, rich white men, convened for the sole purpose of spending everyone else's money:

"i've never used an ATM, so i don't know what the fees are," [nebraska senator ben nelson (D-NE)] said, adding that he gets his cash from bank tellers, just not automatic ones. "it's true, i don't know how to use one." "but i could learn how to do it just like i've ... i swipe to get my own gas, buy groceries. i know about the holograms." by "holograms," nelson clarified that he meant the bar codes on products read by automatic scanners in the checkout lanes at stores such as lowe's and menard's. "i go and get my own seating assignment on an airplane," nelson said. "i mean, i'm not without some skills. I just haven't had the need to use an ATM."

ORIGIN middle english : from old french senat, from latin senatus, from senex 'old man'.

everybody's biatch

the problem with RNC chairman michael "i'm the de facto leader of the republican party" steele's brand of baldfaced b.s. is that it only works if his fellow republicans go along with it.

however ... when even conservative sanctuary fox news won't take you seriously ...

steele says he doesn't know who the republican 'establishment' is; cavuto responds: 'you, you, you!'
citing rand paul's victory in the GOP kentucky senate primary against establishment choice trey grayson last night, neil cavuto asked RNC chairman michael steele today about "dysfunction in the republican party" as the GOP establishment clashes with the tea party. steele denied tension, saying he told the tea party in kentucky that "if we have a situation where your guy prevails, we're backing that candidate, we're very much looking to supporting rand and if our guy prevails, we'd like the same support."
cavuto responded that tea partiers had told him that they view the GOP establishment negatively, leading steele to reply, "i'm telling you as the national chairman of the party there's no bad blood between the republican national committee and the tea parties." cavuto persisted, however, in claiming that there was tension between the "establishment" and the tea party. steele responded by saying that he didn't even know who the republican establishment is, leading cavuto to note that steele is the establishment:
cavuto:	michael, the tea partiers didn't like senator bennett.
steele:	that's fine.
cavuto:	fairly or not, they didn't like him. the established republican party did.
steele:	ok, that may be ... but wait a minute —
cavuto:	i'm just saying that for you to say there is no angst between the two ...
steele:	neil, don't mix. please stop.
cavuto:	there clearly is.
steele:	[exasperated laughter] please do not mix the republican party establishment — i don't know who that is, by the way —
cavuto:	you! you! you! you —
steele:	— with activists, i, no ...
cavuto:	— you! you! you! you! you!
steele:	neil, have you been reading my press lately? i don't think, the last thing you could say about me is that i'm part of the establishment.
cavuto:	well, that's true because everybody hates you. but, i'm kidding ...

heh, that neil ... such a kidder ...

(hat tip to think progress)

portrait of the artist as a young killer

comics industry titan of titans frank frazetta died of a stroke this week at the tender age of 82. the norman rockwell of science fiction and fantasy art had sired countless imitators but no superiors. however, instead of redundantly reproducing some of the world's most recognizable and ubiquitous art, i thought we'd take a rare glimpse of the artist himself in his element:

frazetta and his friends and colleagues often posed for each other's reference photos, and frank certainly looked like one of his own archetypal heroic subjects.

this 1954 story from ec comics shock suspenstories represents frazetta's only solo piece for the company, and he modeled its callow protagonist's looks after his own. (bonus quiz: ec comics' publisher and mad magazine founder bill gaines makes a cameo appearance as well. can you spot him?)

(story by bill gaines and al feldstein; art by frank frazetta)

birther morituri

the interview is just under eight minutes. i doubt the court-martial lasts as long:

cooper:	he's a decorated army doctor, and tonight lieutenant colonel terrence lakin has become the face of the so-called birthers movement, whose followers believe president obama may not have been born in the U.S. and may not be eligible to be president of the united states. lieutenant colonel lakin, who's been an active-duty physician for the military for 18 years, has been ordered to deploy to afghanistan for a second tour of duty. but lakin is refusing that command, saying the order is coming from a commander in chief who he believes may not, in fact, be a natural-born citizen. lakin has also invited his own court-martial and says he wants proof the president was born in the U.S. lieutenant colonel terrence lakin joins me now, along with his attorney, paul jensen. i appreciate both of you being with us. colonel, you say you're refusing your orders because, quote, "there is significant evidence or unanswered speculation that mr. obama is not eligible to be president." you said that in a note to general casey. now, ignoring the idea that you actually cited speculation as a justification for your decision, but to say there's significant evidence that the president was not born in america is just false. i mean, you're an honorable guy. you've served your country incredibly well. you're a doctor. do you honestly believe president obama was not born in hawaii?
jensen:	well, anderson, let me answer as his lawyer ...
cooper:	no, no, no. excuse me. wait, this is a doctor — excuse me. this is a doctor. this is a man who served his country for 18 years. i think he can answer a question by himself.
jensen:	i think that the lawyer should protect the client from incriminating himself. you say it's false. you're not prosecuting this case.
cooper:	ok, lieutenants colonel, if you call up the state of hawaii and you ask for a birth certificate, you're sent a certificate of live birth. that is the official document. and the president has ...
jensen:	that is not correct.
cooper:	and the president ...
jensen:	that is absolutely not correct.
cooper:	and the president has released — and the president has released that certificate of live birth — there it is — to newspapers. in 1961, had birth announcements provided by the state of hawaii health department. certificates. the republican governor of hawaii sent someone to personally view the birth certificate at the department of health and says it's there.
jensen:	that's not ...
cooper:	again, can the colonel not talk for himself? the guy's an adult.
jensen:	you said that that's a birth certificate, mr. cooper. now you want to tell the truth to your viewers.
cooper:	according to the state of hawaii ...
jensen:	that's an abstract, a computer-generated abstract ...
cooper:	according to the state of hawaii, the certificate of live birth, and i'm quoting from the state of hawaii health department. the certificate of live birth is the standard form acceptable by federal agencies. so are you saying, colonel, but you're not actually saying anything. but i would appreciate it if you actually would, and not hide behind your attorney. are you actually saying that all soldiers who currently serve who are from hawaii should be suspect because that's what they provide?
lakin:	this is a constitutional matter. and the truth matters, and ...
cooper:	well, and answers matter. can you answer my question? should all soldiers who are from hawaii and who have given certificate of live births as their proof of citizenship, should they all be suspect now?
lakin:	this isn't a matter about all soldiers. this is a matter about ...
cooper:	well, you're saying the president ...
lakin:	... the two positions that are — require — that require a natural-born citizen.
cooper:	you've taken countless orders in your — in your laudable service over the years. have you ever asked for any superior's birth certificate?
jensen:	you know, that really is — begs the question...
cooper:	no, no, no, sir, please let your client answer. you served under general casey. where was he born?
jensen:	i'm the lawyer, and i'm going to tell you, mr. cooper, the issue isn't about where general casey was born, where mr. ...
cooper:	he doesn't know. because you've never asked the question, because you just assume that they're americans.
jensen:	he doesn't have to be a natural-born citizen to be the chief of staff of the army.
cooper:	actually, to serve in the united states army, according to your own documents, citizenship papers have to be brought to bear. in fact ...
jensen:	that's not the issue. to serve as president of the united state...
cooper:	in your own letter ...
jensen:	mister — mr. cooper, please.
cooper:	in your own letter ...
jensen:	... to be president of the united states ...
cooper:	... to general casey you have said that you had to provide your birth certificate.
jensen:	you're afraid of letting me answer. are you afraid of letting me answer?
cooper:	no, i'd like your client to answer.
jensen:	the issue under the united states constitution is whether the president is eligible to hold the office. that determine — is determined by whether he's 35 years old and a natural-born citizen. those are not requirements for the chief of staff of the army, sir. and what colonel lakin has said is that there's mounting evidence that he is not. and the original birth certificate has not been released.
cooper:	right, ok. there's not mounting evidence. and he has ...
jensen:	that's what you said.
cooper:	excuse me. let me respond. he has taken orders for years from people, probably thousands of orders. countless orders. he has never questioned the legitimacy of the people he is taking orders from. general casey. but he doesn't know where general casey is born. for all he knows, general casey could be a foreign-born, not an american citizen.
jensen:	mr. cooper, if you've done your research, you know that, in the state of hawaii, there's a statute that allows anyone born outside the state of hawaii, including in a foreign country, to obtain a hawaiian birth certificate at any age by going back and filling out a form...
cooper:	right. and if you'd done your research, you'd know that, on the certificate of live birth, it would indicate if the person was born in another country. it would say they were born in another country ...
jensen:	that's not correct.
cooper:	that is correct. that is the fact.
jensen:	i beg your pardon. under hawaiian statute 338-17.8, there's nothing that says that in the statute.
cooper:	ok.
jensen:	you point it out to me if i'm wrong.
cooper:	in your complaint to general casey, colonel, you say, quote, that you're not seeking any grandstanding or publicity for this action. how can you seriously say that? i mean, you put out a youtube video with your — talking, frankly, more than you've talked here tonight. you have this group paying all your legal fees, the american patriot foundation legal defense fund. they've provided the attorney who's sitting next to you. and they're fundraising based on you. they're raising money using you.
lakin:	i attempted all avenues i could over a year ago. i submitted an article 138, which is the only way that i could research how to — how to address this issue, asking and begging my leadership for guidance in how to — how to address this issue. and the answers that i got were not ...
jensen:	mr. cooper, you — the standard is not satisfying you — the standard is to satisfy ...
	[crosstalk]
cooper:	lieutenant colonel, you sound like an honorable man — excuse me. i'm addressing your client. lieutenant colonel, you seem like an incredibly honorable man who's obviously served his country. you're a doctor; you're an educated man. why is it this issue? i mean, of all the orders you've taken, of all the people you've served under, why this, why now? what is it that has got you so, you know, sticking on this issue?
lakin:	it's a fundamental of the constitution, and my oath of office is to the constitution. and i believe we need truth on this matter.
cooper:	but i mean, what's wrong with the certificate of live birth, in your opinion? what's wrong — i mean, how do you explain a newspaper — two newspapers in 1961 announcing the birth of barack obama in hawaii? which is not something his parents did or his grandparents did. those are based on health records sent by the health department, as it does for every person born in hawaii. and everyone gets a newspaper now.
jensen:	mr. cooper, that's simply not correct. and the issue is instead why hasn't the president released the original birth certificate, if one exists? this could be over tonight. tonight. release the birth certificate, if it exists, signed by the doctor in 1961. it's in the state of hawaii's records. if —
cooper:	i'm just going to read you a quote from janice okubu from the department of health: "our certificate of live birth is the standard form which was modeled after national standards that are acceptable by federal agencies and organizations."
jensen:	but it is not the only form ...
cooper:	the governor of hawaii, a republican, has said, and i quote, "i had my health doctor, who is a physician by background, go personally view the birth certificate in the birth records of the department of health, and we issued a news release."
jensen:	and she is not going to be testifying at the court-martial. this is a criminal case. the president should release the original birth certificate, and this would be over tonight. these other documents and testimony are not admissible and will not be admitted in court.
cooper:	well, i appreciate you being on the program tonight. lieutenant colonel terrence lakin, i appreciate it, as well. thank you, sir.
jensen:	thank you.
cooper:	you can join the live chat. let us know what you think about this issue at ac360.com.

none of these birther claims will be admissible at trial, which will go something like this:

judge:	did you disobey a direct order?
lakin:	yes, but ...
judge:	guilty. welcome to leavenworth.
lakin:	b-b-but ...

or, as the military justice blog caaflog explains:

... while i find the eligibility debate interesting, it is also profoundly irrelevant to the prosecution of LTC lakin. LTC lakin is guilty of missing movement and violating lawful orders regardless of whether the president is or isn't constitutionally eligible to serve. there is no real prospect that his court-martial will result in the production of any documents or testimony concerning the irrelevant issue of president obama's constitutional eligibility to serve as president. instead, the case is likely to be a circus leading to an inevitable conviction. attempts to press the issue on direct appeal will fail because ACCA will hold that discovery into eligibility issues isn't relevant and CAAF will either agree or, more likely, simply deny review, thus foreclosing a cert petition on direct review. collateral review attempts will fail under abstention (if filed before the completion of direct appeals) or because the issue was fully and fairly resolved by the military (if filed after completion of direct appeals). some courts on collateral review may add that they agree with the military courts' determination that president obama's eligibility was irrelevant.

the art of the backdown ii

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

and the winner is ...

it's only wednesday but i feel pretty safe in bestowing this week's "look who's oozed out from under its rock" award and "feces flinger of the week" trophy to disgraced former FEMA head michael "heckuvajob" brown for his transparently self-serving efforts to wipe the stink of katrina onto obama:

brown:	and i think the delay was this: it's pure politics. this president has never supported big oil. he's never supported offshore drilling. and now he has an excuse to shut it back down. you've already heard bill nelson, senator from florida, saying offshore drilling is DOA. they played politics with this crisis and left the coast guard out there doing what they're supposed to do.
cavuto:	so michael, you don't take him at face value when he says a temporary halt in offshore drilling is just that — a temporary halt.
brown:	no, no. look bill nelson — and you know, they don't say these things without it being coordinated — and so now you're looking at this oil slick approaching the louisiana shore, according to certain NOAA and other places, if the winds are right it'll go up the east coast. this is exactly what they want. because now he can pander to the environmentalists and say, 'i'm going to shut it down because it's too dangerous.' while mexico and china and everybody else drills in the gulf, we're going to get shut down.

brown:	hey, hey, chris, i think there's two things. i think, one, we're seeing the rahm emanuel rule number one, ah, taking effect. and that is, "let no crisis go unused". so, this is an opportunity for a president who wants to bankrupt the coal industry and basically get rid of the oil and gas industry to shut down offshore drilling in the gulf of mexico.
	[snip]
matthews:	why would somebody sabotage something that would cause this kind of damage to our planet, really?
brown:	oh well, because i think there are terrorists in the world who would like to do that sort of thing. terrorists don't give a rat's butt about the ecology or anything else. all they care about is hurting america.
	[snip]
matthews:	... but he just came out for offshore oil drilling.
brown:	oh, chris, ah, i'm glad you asked that. he came out and said, look, i'm going to approve oil and gas drilling. and all you guys went, look what a great guy he is, trying to reach out to everybody else. chris, all he did was he approved two existing leases on the northeast coast, and shut down all the other proposed leases on the west coast and the southeast coast. there was nothing new in what he did.
matthews:	but don't you know what you're saying to a third party, not somebody like myself or somebody like yourself, listening to you, thinks that you're sounding insane. you're saying that the president of the united states went into slow-mo here, somehow — or for somehow seemed to be working faster than he really was, but was really quite slow to get there, because he saw an opportunity to exploit a disaster so that he could reap discredit on to the coal industry. and by the way, a couple of weeks ago —
brown:	no, no, no, not just the coal ...
matthews:	— he came down for offshore drilling so that he could discredit it when this thing occurred. are you suggesting he somehow knew this would happen and that's why he came out for offshore drilling?
brown:	no, no ...
matthews:	it sounds like that's what you're saying —
brown:	no, no, chris, hang on ...
matthews:	— and it sounds crazy. crazy!
brown:	well, and the way you just put it, chris, the way you just put it, it sounds crazy to me, too.

deepwater hindenburg

(photos from the department of energy. see the rest at talking points memo.)

who's your baddie?

it looks like number three has a date: july 20, 2012.

director christopher nolan and headliners christian bale, gary oldman and likely michael caine will return. anyone else is anyone's guess.

even though nolan is against the idea, it would be very logical for robin to show up in number three. batman's failure to save either long-distance love rachel dawes or crusading "white knight" harvey dent, even with the help of commissioner gordon and the gotham police force, would make batman very interested in finding a reliable partner with special skills more like his own.

it would also be logical for catwoman to show up. her skills would make batman interested in recruiting her as well — if he could figure out if she's truly bad or could be turned to good. but he'd also be forced to question his motives in pursuing her, since the loss of rachel must leave him emotionally vulnerable. a possible subplot could follow a rivalry between robin and catwoman for batman's attention.

but even if catwoman ended up as one of the bad guys, she doesn't have the threat-level to carry the film as the main villain. both batman begins' ras al ghul and the dark knight's joker took the city to the brink of destruction; catwoman simply isn't that menacing.

despite much gossip about the riddler, he's always seemed too much like a poor man's joker to play second act to the real thing, especially on the heels of heath ledger's daunting performance. like catwoman, the riddler's never been an existential threat to gotham city. unfortunately, despite seventy years of adventures, batman's arch-enemies a-list is surprisingly short and nolan has been going through it two at a time, while rightly disqualifying villains like the penguin and mr. freeze as too outlandish.

it's a tall order to fill: enough gravitas to have been a major batman villain and enough menace to terrorize the entire city, yet enough plausibility to exist in nolan's gritty and realistic universe. even as a life-long batman fan i'm stumped and the only name that springs to mind is dr. hugo strange but even he might not be good bad enough.