Monday, June 22, 2020

the party's over

tulsa was shaping up to be a horror show masquerading as the largest human trial in the history of medicine masquerading as a hate rally masquerading as a campaign opener:

sadly, trump's running low on guinea pigs:

Wednesday, June 10, 2020

bubble boy

"aw c'mon, it was just a routine inspection!"

[wonkette] bill barr says trump just regular bunker baby, not inspector bunker baby :(

bill barr is basically calling donald trump a liar right now.

remember when trump claimed hilariously to fox news's brian kilmeade that he didn't go in the bunker and hide because he was scared of the american people outside, but rather because it was time for a BUNKER INSPECTION, because of how he's the official white house INSPECTOR BUNKER BABY?

yeah, bill barr says that is not it, in a monday interview with fox news's bret baier.

... "things were so bad that the secret service recommended the president go down to the bunker," mr. barr said in an interview with fox news. "we can't have that in our country."

... bill barr's lies are conflicting with donald trump's lies right now, oh how sad.

... he needs the lie narrative out there that there was some major violence happening in the streets, when all impartial accounts say otherwise.

... meanwhile, donald trump is scared of looking like a weenus, so he needs it to be true that he was simply performing his normal daytime INSPECTOR BUNKER BABY duties, instead of being rushed down to the bunker by the secret service for his own protection.

... two men. two different stories they are telling themselves. both stories bullshit.

commies from mars

we know now that in the early years of the twenty-first century this world was being watched closely by socialists browner than we real americans and yet as mortal as our own. demagogues vast, cool and unsympathetic, regarded the land of the free and the home of the brave with envious eyes and slowly and surely drew their plans against us. in the twentieth year of the twenty-first century came the great awakening.

it was near the end of may. stocks were better. the covid scare was over. more men were back at work. cities were re-opening. on this particular evening, may 31, internet world stats estimated that 4.65 billion people were cruising the internet ...

donald j. trump @realDonaldTrump, may 31

the united states of america will be designating ANTIFA as a terrorist organization.

anonymous, may 31

i am not one to spread false information, i have been informed by numerous realizable resources. the protest planned for tonight at 8:30 in downtown klamath falls, IS GOING TO BE DANGEROUS. there are two buses heading this way from portland, full of ANTIFA members and loaded with bricks. their intentions are to come to klamath falls, destroy it, and murder police officers. there have been rumors of the ANTIFA going into residential areas to 'fuck up the white hoods'.

do not get me wrong. i am all for peaceful protesting. infact i was going to attend the protest tonight believing it was going to be peaceful.

the real 3%ers idaho, may 31

ATTN ada county BUSINESS OWNERS in boise and surrounding areas:

we have credible intel tonight that antifa and other groups are planning a riot tonight in the boise area. their plan is to destroy private property in the city and continue to residential areas. we are calling on all business owners to contact us if you are concerned for your business and your private property immediately. we are here to protect you, your private business, and have teams on the ground standing by.

ghost 117 @ThomasMerrick16, jun 1

Antifa is now in klamath falls Oregon my home town we the people of klamath falls #Patriotsforlife let's get these terrorists out of our town

cory johnson @cjohnsondubai, jun 1

time to lock and load to protect our home. two buses of antifa showed up in klamath falls and with in an hour the citizens were on the street heavily armed.

pacificriver @pacificedge541, jun 1

3 buses of BLM/antifa dropped off in klamath falls oregon. residents out too protect thier town.

i climbed a small hill above the pond at sixtieth street. i looked in vain for the monsters or the buses that reportedly had brought them.

it was later found that they were killed by the disinfecting agents against which their systems were unprepared. slain, after all man's defenses had failed, by the two humblest things that god in his wisdom put upon this earth: time ... and the cold hard light of reality.

(apologies to h.g. wells)

[nbc news]
in klamath falls, oregon, victory declared over antifa, which never showed up

...still others remain convinced that antifa had been there that night, run off by the sight of hundreds of armed patriots.

and that’s the story spreading online.

"antifa retreats from suburb after business owner and neighborhood show up with guns," stated the headline on the website newspunch, one of the internet’s most notorious fake news destinations. the article quotes a facebook post by dan kline, the owner of a local billiards bar.

"i have never felt a threat to my business as i did last night," kline wrote in his post. "antifa didn’t make it to the courthouse and my bar had no incidents. antifa walked into a hornet’s nest. it was like a sixth grade football team walking into the oakland coliseum to take on the raiders."

Tuesday, June 02, 2020

the golden age of antifa comics

who can forget these four-color classics from a time when no one declared that anti-fascists were "terrorists" or that tiki-torch-waving nazis were "very fine people" ...

fast forward ...

(see also: "those were the days")

Saturday, May 30, 2020

putin's amerika

there was a time when a vision of america like this scared the literal jesus into a lotta americans. but under the trump regime, the meaning of being a "red-blooded" conservative has come full circle:

and a new amerika deserves a new capital ...

you too can be a winner

even in the fiercest bear markets, rest assured that our littlest clients always come out a winner:

Thursday, May 28, 2020

"win so much, you're gonna be so sick"

four years ago:

"we're gonna win so much, you're gonna be so sick and tired of winning."
(donald trump, may 26, 2016)

Monday, May 25, 2020

so crazy it actually worked, redux

thought i might revisit a certain 2018 post:


dr. zola: schmidt believes he walks in the footsteps of the gods.
col. phillips: hmph!
dr. zola: only the world itself will satisfy him.
col. phillips: you do realize that's nuts, don't you?
dr. zola: the insanity of the plan is of no consequence.
col. phillips: and why is that?
dr. zola: because he can do it!

(tommy lee jones and toby jones in "captain america: the first avenger", 2011)


what was our idea with donald trump?

for four years and two days ... it was necessary to get to everyone in the brain and grab all possible means of mass perception of reality. ensure the victory of donald in the election of the us president. then create a political alliance between the united states, france, russia (and a number of other states) and establish a new world order.

our idea was insane, but realizable.

(konstantin rykov, kremlin social media agent)

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Friday, December 13, 2019

person of interest of the year

of course soon-to-be-impeached-president donald trump deserves to be awarded time magazine's coveted "person of the year" cover!


the editors at time dared think better and gave its feature to 16-year-old swedish climate activist greta thunberg:

never to be outdone by any female anywhere, particularly a minor, trump took back what belongs only to him (via twitter, of course) in the only manner befitting the leader of the free world:

[time magazine] is asking that a framed cover image of trump be taken down from the walls of several golf clubs.

that's because the cover hanging in several trump organization clubs is a phony, a time spokesperson confirmed to nbc news.

washington post reporter david fahrenthold, who broke the story, said he had tallied seven locations where the cover was spotted as of wednesday morning, and was continuing to look for additional sightings.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

thumbody meth up

focus groups indicated interest in a more targeted campaign:

names were floated for possible celebrity endorsements:

Monday, November 18, 2019

reliving doonesbury's watergate

only the names have changed ...

original 1973 artwork © g.b. trudeau:

Saturday, November 02, 2019

make us a god who will go before us

conservative faith leaders visiting the white house lay their hands on trump to pray for him.

i told them, ‘whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ then they gave me the gold, and i threw it into the fire, and out came this calf! [exodus 32:24]

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

my perfect call

republican senators fear president trump and their party are losing the public opinion fight over impeachment.

many in the gop think house democrats are playing politics with impeachment and that trump’s actions don’t merit impeachment. they also think the media is biased against the white house and the president.

all the same, they think they’re losing the public battle and that trump’s lack of discipline is hurting them.

“does he need to be so unhinged? he says the dumbest things,” said one republican senator who vented frustration with the president’s outbursts on twitter and in front of the white house press corps.

“yeah, there needs to be a coordinated response to everything. there needs to be a coordinated effort to just shut up,” the senator said.

(inspired by real twitter account president supervillain, who puts real trumpSpeak into real comics. art by bob kane, lew schwartz & charles paris, from batman #67)

from a powerful woman

a tense phone conversation between a reporter for the washington examiner and white house senior counselor kellyanne conway was published by the newspaper on thursday.

in the conversation, conway objected that a story written by the reporter, caitlin yilek, mentioned that her husband george conway is a fierce critic of president trump on twitter.

... after the reporter said she would be happy to allow conway to talk to her editor, conway replied: “let me tell you something, from a powerful woman. don’t pull the crap where you’re trying to undercut another woman based on who she’s married to.

"he gets his power through me, if you haven’t noticed," conway said. "not the other way around.

... “you don’t have to rely upon the men in your life and pretend somehow by way of reporting that i rely on the men in my life, which clearly isn’t the case," conway shot back.

(inspired by real twitter account president supervillain, who puts real trumpSpeak into real comics. art by tony s. daniel, sandu florea & norm rapmund, from batman #696)