Friday, December 13, 2019

person of interest of the year

of course soon-to-be-impeached-president donald trump deserves to be awarded time magazine's coveted "person of the year" cover!


the editors at time dared think better and gave its feature to 16-year-old swedish climate activist greta thunberg:

never to be outdone by any female anywhere, particularly a minor, trump took back what belongs only to him (via twitter, of course) in the only manner befitting the leader of the free world:

[time magazine] is asking that a framed cover image of trump be taken down from the walls of several golf clubs.

that's because the cover hanging in several trump organization clubs is a phony, a time spokesperson confirmed to nbc news.

washington post reporter david fahrenthold, who broke the story, said he had tallied seven locations where the cover was spotted as of wednesday morning, and was continuing to look for additional sightings.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

thumbody meth up

focus groups indicated interest in a more targeted campaign:

names were floated for possible celebrity endorsements:

Monday, November 18, 2019

reliving doonesbury's watergate

only the names have changed ...

original 1973 artwork © g.b. trudeau:

Saturday, November 02, 2019

make us a god who will go before us

conservative faith leaders visiting the white house lay their hands on trump to pray for him.

i told them, ‘whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ then they gave me the gold, and i threw it into the fire, and out came this calf! [exodus 32:24]

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

my perfect call

republican senators fear president trump and their party are losing the public opinion fight over impeachment.

many in the gop think house democrats are playing politics with impeachment and that trump’s actions don’t merit impeachment. they also think the media is biased against the white house and the president.

all the same, they think they’re losing the public battle and that trump’s lack of discipline is hurting them.

“does he need to be so unhinged? he says the dumbest things,” said one republican senator who vented frustration with the president’s outbursts on twitter and in front of the white house press corps.

“yeah, there needs to be a coordinated response to everything. there needs to be a coordinated effort to just shut up,” the senator said.

(inspired by real twitter account president supervillain, who puts real trumpSpeak into real comics. art by bob kane, lew schwartz & charles paris, from batman #67)

from a powerful woman

a tense phone conversation between a reporter for the washington examiner and white house senior counselor kellyanne conway was published by the newspaper on thursday.

in the conversation, conway objected that a story written by the reporter, caitlin yilek, mentioned that her husband george conway is a fierce critic of president trump on twitter.

... after the reporter said she would be happy to allow conway to talk to her editor, conway replied: “let me tell you something, from a powerful woman. don’t pull the crap where you’re trying to undercut another woman based on who she’s married to.

"he gets his power through me, if you haven’t noticed," conway said. "not the other way around.

... “you don’t have to rely upon the men in your life and pretend somehow by way of reporting that i rely on the men in my life, which clearly isn’t the case," conway shot back.

(inspired by real twitter account president supervillain, who puts real trumpSpeak into real comics. art by tony s. daniel, sandu florea & norm rapmund, from batman #696)

and then we fell in love

at a rally in west virginia last saturday, president trump told the crowd about feelings he has developed for kim jong un. remember when the president mocked north korea's supreme leader as "little rocket man," and kim ridiculed trump as a "mentally deranged u.s. dotard"?

something else was going on.

trump said, "i was really being tough. and so was he. and we'd go back and forth. and then we fell in love. ok? no, really. he wrote me beautiful letters. and they're great letters. we fell in love. but you know what? now, they'll say 'donald trump said they fell in love, how horrible. how horrible is that? so un-presidential.'"

at least unprecedented.

(inspired by real twitter account president supervillain, who puts real trumpSpeak into real comics. art by jim starlin & dan green, from captain marvel #28)

Saturday, February 02, 2019

Friday, June 08, 2018

so crazy it actually worked

from putin's top troll at the kremlin ...

what was our idea with donald trump?

for four years and two days ... it was necessary to get to everyone in the brain and grab all possible means of mass perception of reality. ensure the victory of donald in the election of the us president. then create a political alliance between the united states, france, russia (and a number of other states) and establish a new world order.

our idea was insane, but realizable.

... which proves we are now living in a comic book universe:

dr. zola: schmidt believes he walks in the footsteps of the gods.
col. phillips: hmph!
dr. zola: only the world itself will satisfy him.
col. phillips: you do realize that's nuts, don't you?
dr. zola: the insanity of the plan is of no consequence.
col. phillips: and why is that?
dr. zola: because he can do it!

(tommy lee jones and toby jones in "captain america: the first avenger", 2011)

Sunday, April 01, 2018

yes, we have no collusion, part two

washington post:

a few days after the attack, the now-former secretary of state, rex tillerson, called the poisoning "a really egregious act" and linked it "clearly" to russia. by contrast, the president himself has said nothing so definitive. on his twitter account, where he comments regularly on islamist terrorism, he has not mentioned the use of a chemical poison in an english city. nor did he mention it during a telephone conversation with the russian president.

the headline practically writes itself ...

yes, we have no collusion

ripped from the headlines of tomorrow's soon-to-be-not-so-fake news: the name of the one country that the trump crime family™ most definitely has not been guilty of conspiring with:

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

ask frank

this valentine's day revisits the punisher's heartfelt advice to karen page in netflix' "daredevil", suggesting a second calling for the stone-cold vigilante — as an agony uncle.

Mr. Castle:

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!" ... and I'll whisper "No."

Hope world survives long enough for this to reach you. For my own part, regret nothing. Have lived life, free from compromise ... and step into the shadow now.[1]

Without complaint,
-- "ЯR"


Look around, ЯR. This city, it stinks! It's a sewer. It stinks and it smells like shit and I can't get the stink out of my nose! I think that this world, it needs men that are willing to make the hard call. I think you and me are the same!

Dear Frank:

I don't know where to start.

That ship that appeared last night -- I'm the one they're looking for.

Even if I surrender, there's no guarantee they'll keep their word.

But if there's a chance I can save Earth by turning myself in ... shouldn't I take it?

My gut tells me they can't be trusted.

The problem is ... I'm not sure the people of Earth can be either.[3]

Worst. Reunion. Ever.
"Cal L."


You're done, now, Cal. They're coming for you. Only way you get out of this, is if you grow wings.

My Dear Punny-Wunny;

There's NO DIFFERENCE between ME and everybody ELSE! All it takes is ONE BAD DAY to reduce the SANEST MAN ALIVE to LUNACY. THAT'S how far the WORLD is from where I am. Just ONE BAD DAY. YOU had a BAD DAY once, am I RIGHT? I KNOW I am. I can TELL. You had a BAD DAY and everything CHANGED. You had a BAD DAY, and it drove YOU as CRAZY as EVERYBODY ELSE ... only YOU won't ADMIT it! You have to keep PRETENDING that life makes SENSE, that there's some POINT to all this STRUGGLING!

God, you make me want to PUKE.[5]

Keep up the GOOD WORK,
-- "Joe Cur"


Well, loss doesn't work the same for everybody, Joe. We don't get to pick the things that fix us. Make us whole. Make us feel purpose. My moment of clarity? It came from the strangest of places.

Is that why you think you're better than me? You know what I think of you? I think you're a half-measure. I think you're a man who can't finish the job. I think that you're a coward. You know the one thing that you just can't see? You know you're one bad day away from being ME.

Deah Mistah Punisha:

Anotha night I get all dolled up, and anotha night I get the boot. Face it, this stinks. I'm a certified nutzo wanted by the law in two dozen states ... and hopelessly in love with a murderous psychopathic clown. At what point did my life go looney tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?

Nevah again. No more obsession. No more craziness. No more Puddin'. I finally see that slime for what he is.[7]

Tearfully, but no longah a clown,
-- "R. Lee Quinn"


People that can hurt you, the ones that can really hurt you, are the ones that are close enough to do it. People that get inside you and ... and ... and tear you apart, and make you feel like you're never gonna recover. Shit. I'd ... I ... I would chop my arm off right here, in this restaurant, just to feel that one more time for my wife. My old lady, she didn't just break my heart. She ... She'd rip it out, she'd tear it apart, she'd step on that shit, feed it to a dog. I mean, she was ruthless. She brought the pain. But she'll never hurt me again. You see, I'll never feel that. You sit here and you're all confused about this thing, but you have it. You have everything. So hold on to it. Use two hands and nevah let go. You got it?

Dear Frank:

I tried to stop him once. I couldn't do it.

I can't kill my own father.

There is another, but I can't let her get involved now. He will destroy her.

He's come for me. He can feel when I'm near. That's why I have to go. I have to face him.

Because ... there is good in him. I've felt it. I can save him. I can turn him back to the good side. I have to try.[9]

As destiny approaches,
-- "Jed I."


You still think this piece of shit is worth saving?!?!

That's a bad idea. You see, he'll kill again. Can't live with that, Jed. Can you?

'Cause you need to understand that pieces of shit like this ruin people's lives.

Dear Mr. Castle:

I am a Douwd. An immortal being of disguises and false surroundings. I have lived in this galaxy for many thousands of years although, until today, no one has known my true identity. Once, while traveling in human form, I chanced to fall in love with an Earth woman. I put aside my powers and became her husband. Our life was happy and rich.

Our colony was attacked by a warship belonging to the Husnock, a species of hideous intelligence who knew only aggression and destruction. I could have destroyed them with a mere thought, but I did not do so. I will not kill.

But Rishon went to fight with the colonists, and died with them. I saw her broken body. I went insane.

My hatred exploded, and in an instant of grief I destroyed the Husnock. I didn't kill just one Husnock, or a hundred, or a thousand. I killed them all. All Husnock. Everywhere.

Are eleven thousand people worth fifty billion? Is the love of a woman worth the destruction of an entire species?[11]

Remorseful on Rana,
-- "Kev"


Yeah. And nobody got hurt who didn't deserve it.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

mad men

when facing off against the legendary bat-man, it helps to be just a little crazy ...

"the case of the chemical syndicate", detective comics #27, may 1939

"professor hugo strange", detective comics #36, feb 1940

"the joker returns", batman #1, spring 1940

"the murders of clayface", detective comics #40, jun 1940

"wolf, the crime master", batman #2, summer 1940

"the case of the joker's crime circus!", batman #4, winter 1941

"the clock maker!", batman #6, aug-sep 1941

"the brain burglar!", detective comics #55, sep 1941

"twenty-four hours to live!", detective comics #57, nov 1941

"night of the reaper", batman #237, dec 1971

then again, anyone who'd face off against every adrenaline-fueled psychopath that crawled out of the woodwork might be just a little crazy too ...

"the white whale!", batman #9, feb-mar 1942

(stories by bob kane, bill finger & denny o'neil, art by bob kane, jerry robinson, george roussos, neal adams & dick giordano)